I’ve got a load of school stuff done plus some emails sent tonight, so I feel more constructive.  My early night wasn’t a good idea – I went to sleep, woke after a couple of hours – it didn’t help that the dog imagined danger again and kept barking at intervals until I shouted at him – and only catnapped the rest of the night.  Still, no matter.  I suppose it was those two hours that I needed.

Tomorrow, I shall buy some Christmas cards.  I’ve not really sent them the last few years, but I must reply to any sent to me – assuming I know the address, that is.  I’ve no idea where our address book is, I can’t think where Russell put it.  By elimination, I know it must be in my study, which is where it’s supposed to be, but it’s not in the right place.  Oh well.  I’ll write letters and send them when I can.  I must write some every night.  Nag me if I slip, will you darlings?  I won’t take it amiss if you do.

In one of the garages, we found several bottles of good brandy.  I never bought multiple bottles, so they must have been bought by my father-in-law more than 30 years ago.  They’re fine, I opened one last week and have had another tot tonight.  I prefer whisky really, and I’ve got a bottle of Glenmorangie opened, but I’m quite happy with cognac too.  Easy-going, me.

I’ve mostly been forgetting things. I nearly fed Ben twice yesterday and it was only Roses’ alertness that stopped me. Today, I wanted to get some cash out of the hole in the wall, got out my card and realised I couldn’t think of the PIN. I had to learn a new PIN for a different card, you see, and it seems to have driven out the other one. I can remember three out of four digits but that doesn’t quite cut the mustard. I’m trying to put the whole thing out of my mind, so that it might bob back unbidden in the morning.  And I had to put in my BBC iPlayer password and had no idea what that might be and had to reset it altogether. Although apparently they make you sign in every three months, which wasn’t made clear earlier or I might have taken more notice.

It’s only half past nine but I’m already in bed. I had several emails to write tonight but I haven’t written any of them. I’ve just sat. I can only hope I will get them done tomorrow, but I’m not at all confident. In the meantime, I’m listening to The Importance of being Earnest. 

i nearly forgot to mention, Big Pinkie and the black cow and her calf were picked up and taken back to the farm today. Jonni, Brian and the boy whose name I didn’t ascertain came to round them up because they thought it might be a tricky job. The calf has never been handled, was born on the field in the summer and has been running wild. However, I could only applaud them. They neatly walked them into the dead end they’d constructed with the trailer and two gates and the cattle meekly walked into said trailer. I’ve taken care not to become fond of the young bull, of course, there can be no happy ending there. Pinkie is looking her age, she is 17 now and a bit bony and arthritic, but she will be cared for at the farm in her well-earned retirement.  There’s not much room for sentiment in farming, but there are a few chinks.

I ushered the tumble dryer repair man through and met Roses on the way, so asked her in for a cup of tea.  And then Charlotte texted to see if it was convenient to drop in as she was in the town – in the end, I suggested a Thai takeaway and we all spent the evening together round the kitchen table.  I do like a spontaneous get-together.

You may remember that, in September, I went to Maastricht to visit my blog friend Irene, who is suffering from lung cancer.  We had a lovely time and were drawn to each other, she cooked for me and we went out and about and had fun, we talked and we sat in silence with our iPads, often taking snaps of each other and posting them on Facebook.  Simple entertainment, we felt a loving bond.  I’ve arranged to go and see her again in January.  However, her daughter, at Irene’s request, wrote a post on Facebook today to say that the palliative care nurse has evaluated her present stage of her illness and says that she is in the final stages.  They’re both taking the information with the clear courage they’ve shown all along, so her friends can do nothing less.

I’ve completely neglected my garden pond for the last few years.  I used to look after it, but I became discouraged when great diving beetle larvae ate all my tadpoles.  I was so sad about it, I’d been thrilled when I found newt tadpoles in the pond as well as the frog ones, but the voracious and aggressive beetles ate the lot – apart from those eaten by the equally tough dragonfly nymphs.  Then Al bought his greengrocer’s shop and my time was spent growing him vegetables and the rest of the garden was given less of my time – anyway, it all became rather overgrown and I knew there was a leak near the top too.  But at last it has been dealt with.  My gardener removed everything – no frogs hibernating in the mud, he checked carefully and took out the lining and we measured it.  I went to the local shop but they didn’t have exactly the size I needed, so I came back to remeasure and see if the nearest size would do.  Then I checked on the internet – I’m afraid that it was half the price and included the lining, so I’ve bought it online.  I’m sorry about it, but it was quite a big difference.  I buy my chicken food and a lot of other stuff from there, I’m a good customer usually, but not this time.

Anyway, I’m very pleased to think that next spring it will be looking good again.  If I put in the liner this weekend, weather permitting, and fill it, it’ll be ready for the frogs and other wildlife by the spring.  I’m getting the trees that mysteriously died taken out next weekend and the lamp that Russell and I bought three or four years ago put in – I know I won’t be here all that long, but I will get it as I want it in first to enjoy it for the next year or so, anyway.  It was so much Russell’s house and grounds – which was fine, it was his home all his life and so meant more to him than to anyone else – but he didn’t really take care of it as he might have done, I never did understand the reason and I don’t suppose he did either.  Not that I want it to be too tidy either, that wouldn’t be my sort of thing at all.  I’m rambling, darlings, I should be in bed.

It’s not very late, but I am tired.  A dog barked at about 1.30 this morning, some way away but it alerted Ben and he went to check over the house, which was very good of him.  He came back in the bedroom and wuffed at the driveway and I realised i’d left an outside light on and he probably thought it was the motion-sensitive one.  So I trotted down to turn it off, rather hoping that there wasn’t anyone about because I didn’t have anything on and I’d have felt rather at a disadvantage.  Unfortunately, it didn’t stop Ben worrying, especially as the other, distant dog barked every so often, and he kept going from one window to another (they are low, he can easily see out) and sometimes grumbling or giving a low bark.  I ended up being quite impatient with him “shut the hell up “was the least of it, I’m afraid.  He settled in the end and so did I, but he slept on the sofa most of the morning, which I didn’t have the opportunity to do.

It looks as if we’ll have a kitten to stay on Christmas night – I’m not sure if I mentioned that Ro and Dora have a kitten called Jasper – they’re going for their honeymoon soon and will be back just a couple of days before Christmas.  Friends are looking after Jasper while they’re away, but if they are to stay over, they’ll have to bring him.  I think that’ll be lovely.

With Weeza’s help, three more items have been ticked off the list.  I find it deeply stressful and distressing and she wasn’t much happier – it’s hard to evaluate the reasons and I don’t want to dwell on it at this time of night, when I spend a couple of hours winding down.  I suppose it has to show itself somewhere and I’m mostly holding it together in other respects.

Ben and I both heard a sound in the house at around 6.30 this morning.  I was already awake but had no intention of getting up – but the effort of getting off the bed to investigate (he found nothing) made him want to go out.  So I gave him breakfast and let him out, then made myself tea and toast and took it back upstairs.  When Ben came in again, he thought that was a jolly good idea and came to share – I’d taken the precaution of making two pieces of toast.

I went up to the attic to check the mousetraps and found two mice – I couldn’t find the third trap but I didn’t set it last time, Jamie did.  I’ll ask him when I next see him.  I’d remembered a plastic bag to put the mice in, re-baited the traps with peanut butter and replaced the third and ignored feelings of pity for the mice.

Russell didn’t do much regularly around the house, but I have to remember what he did take responsibility for.  Most of them were winter chores, such as dealing with mice.  Emptying the ash pan – I did that today too – was one, he usually emptied the kitchen bins, he fed the chickens.   He kept the fires fed with logs in the winter.  He locked the doors at night, or checked they were locked at any rate.  It’s not that much extra, written down, but I seem to be kept on the ball all the time – except yesterday afternoon, when I forgot I’d let the chickens out. I didn’t even remember this morning when the cock was crowing rather more loudly than I expected.  Not until I took out their food and found a single hen in the run.  They’re back again tonight, except one and she often spends a night or two out on the tiles, so all seems well.  No eggs, though.

Natasha, the wakeful baby tortoise, wasn’t about this morning, to my surprise.  I found a couple of dandelion flowers when I was out walking Ben and brought them home, but they were untouched.  It wasn’t until after lunch that I spotted her upside-down on the ground inside her bark cave.  She tries to scramble about on everything and sometimes falls.  She’s fine though and was rambling around as happily as ever for the rest of the day.  I’m not sure how cold it’ll have to be before she becomes sluggish and wants to hibernate.

The monthly cleaners came today, which at least made me eliminate my chairdrobe, still containing the sari I wore over a week ago – though I have been away for several days since then, I appreciate it’s no excuse.  Anyway, the beds are now all changed and ready for the family influx at Christmas.

Rather dismayingly, I received two cards today.  One was from the cleaners, or rather the owner of the company, the other was from an old friend (in both senses) from America, who is a cousin of Russell’s.  I put it down and now can’t find it, but I’ll track it down tomorrow.  I wish I had found the address book, Russell rarely put it in the right place and I haven’t seen it for months.  I know I’ll get cards addressed to the two of us and if I can’t find it, it’ll be quite a problem.

Bex and family have moved back into their own house, where they’ve had their extension built, so it won’t be too much longer before they will take Ben – their fence hasn’t been put back yet. I’m spoiling him in the meantime, taking myself to be a grandmother figure now, who can be more indulgent – though he’s very easy going and doesn’t make a fuss if you say no.  I suspect he’s more relaxed because I am, it’s not surprising if we were all tense and anxious during the summer.

I played the organ for this evening’s Christingle service in church – Andy (Ben’s erstwhile owner and my co-organist) is unable to play for the foreseeable future because he’s in hospital and rather ill.  So many friends are ill or have had bad news this year, I’m so sorry about all the problems they face.

Weeza is coming over tomorrow morning to help me with paperwork – that is, she will encourage me and force me to get on with it.  We will also plan the Christmas meal – beef is a given, as turkey isn’t a favourite, but we ring the changes with the first course.  This year, we are thinking that we will start early with tapas, then have a break while the Yorkshire puddings and vegetables are cooking, then start again an hour later with the main course.  We think the preparation will be fun.

With all the really necessary things to spend money on, it bemuses me that the matter of a tunnel past Stonehenge has reared up again.  If that’s the best description of a tunnel, which it clearly isn’t.  But really, why?  The A303 is a ghastly road down to the West Country, dualled in parts but not enough, and it has awful bottlenecks.  When Wink travels to see us, she is at least comforted that she isn’t on her way  to Somerset, Devon and Cornwall at a holiday time, but heading away from those lovely counties.  The whole damn lot could be made into a good road for millions of pounds less than a tunnel past Stonehenge.

I’m prejudiced, I know.  I love Stonehenge.  But what I love is that sight of it on a dreary journey down an awful road.  My heart lifts up, as if seeing a rainbow, on catching sight of that wonderful ancient monument, much altered over the centuries though it is, roped off from the public, reasons for its construction invented, disconsolate bunches of people round it, wishing they could be closer and feel its power to move, rather than pay to stand the wrong side of a barrier.  Some years ago, there was a movement to have a tunnel constructed and it came to nothing as it was just too damn expensive and impractical.  I cannot see what’s changed about that.  But it’s the fact that Stonehenge is part of the landscape that I appreciate, I don’t want it to be accessed only through some sanitised visitors’ centre.

Anyhow.  No more ranting here, darlings.  And I’ve just realised it’s almost midnight and I don’t know what happened to the evening.  I had squid for supper, stir-fried with lots of vegetables and chilli, on a bed of spinach.  Then, I microwaved frozen berries, as taught by Zig, and ate them with honeycomb ice cream.  It was delish.  I had to eat a couple of twiglets later, to save me from a second helping.  I made coffee, but spilt the dregs on my Rajasthan dhurrie, which is now in the washing machine on a cold, gentle wash.  I think it’ll be ok but it might need pegging out to keep it from curling up as it dries.  I’m not sure how to go about that.