Z muses

Years ago, I found that I lost my blogging voice if I left it for a week or more, so decided to post every day, as a self-discipline thing. It got a bit out of hand, to be frank. I remember, a couple of times, getting into bed and realising I hadn’t written anything, so tapping out something (probably incoherent) on my phone, to get a post done before midnight. So eventually, I decided that the self-discipline should revert to not writing every day. And now it’s so random that the blog isn’t my little island of stability any more. So maybe I need another phase.

I’ve got a small pile of post to deal with, that’s randomly on the armchair that I sit on least. I’m really not being my best Z at present. But getting to grips with that is on the schedule for Sunday. I have opened the post from my accountant, because I could see from the bulk that it’s my tax returns. There is absolutely zero likelihood that I will ever fill in my own tax returns. I probably could, but I see no need to.

It’s been an expensive week, because I paid the insurance on Tim’s caravan and also the deposit for next year’s rent payment, which has gone up rather startlingly. I don’t want to give up the caravan as yet, so I’ve just paid it. I like it there. I’m always sad because I miss Tim so much, the place feels full of him, yet there’s a degree of comfort in that too. I don’t need to explain it to myself.

I caught up with an old friend today, when I was invited to his birthday party. He’s a fortnight younger than I am, so I pull rank relentlessly. He says he still follows this blog, so *waves to Shawn* and I hope it won’t be another 7 or 8 years before we catch up again. Frankly, darling, we’ll be so bloody old by then that we will hardly recognise each other.

Tomorrow, whatever else I do, I’ll catch up on your blogs.

4 comments on “Z muses

  1. Scarlet

    I am probably more random than you with the blogging thing, but my site still feels like my virtual home – I keep thinking I will try harder, but I always end up being random. I think being random is possibly part of my make up and I might be a happier person if I just accepted that!
    I’m glad you kept the caravan because it makes you happy.

    1. Z Post author

      I shy away from routine. If it’s for a reason, such as catching the same bus to work, then of course that’s not unreasonable. But I’m not fond of doing something ‘just because.’ It mildly irks me that one armchair is out of commission, because I like to sit wherever I want – most people seem to have ‘my chair’ but I just say that they’re all mine. I suspect I’ve turned into a cat.

      Just wish the caravan didn’t take so long to get to. I won’t be there again until next April, because it’s shut for the winter at the end of October and I won’t be able to go there by then.

  2. Boyontop

    Well, I left it for about a decade, so am a very black kettle.

    Can completely understand the situation with the caravan. Much easier to just pay and know its there.

    1. Z Post author

      Tim used to wonder whether to keep the caravan, even before he moved here. I knew he didn’t really want to give it up, so I encouraged him to keep it. It was the place he loved best, we visited a couple of weeks before he died and he was so happy to be there. I’m not sure that I’ll ever let it go. And inertia rules, anyway.


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