Wink has gone back to Wiltshire for a week or so, to catch up with friends. I’m carrying on with the clearing out, unpacking and tidying up.

Yes. Well. It happens to an extent, but I should hurry up a bit.

Supposedly, we have a heatwave. There are weather warnings out for Monday and Tuesday. It’s the chilliest heatwave I’ve ever known. It was hot in the sunshine, but decidedly fresh when the sun was behind a cloud, which it was most of the day. Although there’s supposed to be an abrupt jump of 10ºC tomorrow and another on Monday, so it’s just as well I’ve made lemonade and tea (chilled, to be iced) because I forget to drink water, don’t want hot drinks and realise, at the end of the day, that I haven’t really drunk anything.

Tomorrow, I’m going to sort out some books. This is going to take some time…

Wince and I tidied up today. And i brought boxes up from the barn and unpacked them. It would have been Tim’s 80th birthday and we’d planned to have a big party, so I wanted distractions but also to feel connected with him. A fine line to tread.I’ve got a nice, small leather armchair in here now and need to move furniture round a bit, to make the room uncluttered again. I’ve emptied, washed and refilled a kitchen cupboard and reorganised in the larder, but there’s still a lot to deal with.

Lovely, kind people have been in touch, I’ve had flowers and messages. I have very dear friends and I love and appreciate them.

I keep quiet here if I can’t think of anything good, nowadays and it’s been a difficult week. But I felt a degree of resolve today and got some things done. The first five boxes from Tim’s house, for a start, as well as washing all the bedding and towels i’d brought back.

I’ll tell you what went awry another time, but I’ll be positive for now.

1 Polly bantam is still carrying on, hobbling about but eating well. I’ve remembered that her great-granny (probably – at least), another black girl, was also very poor in the legs as she got older. Russell was very fond of her and cosseted her, as I do Polly.

2 I’ve had a lot of school meetings in the last couple of weeks, most of them in Framlingham, which is three-quarters of an hour’s drive away and mostly meant early starts. But they’ve all gone very well and have rekindled my interest in school stuff, whilst confirming my decision to get out of school governorship. Too much like hard work, nowadays.

3 A week ago, I was scouting around for another 8-10 lots for October’s auction. No longer.

4 My lovely friend Lynn sent me flowers today.

5 My lovely ex-neighbour in Reading sent me a warm, kind WhatsApp today.

6 My sister Wink bought steaks the other night and I suggested barbecuing them. As I looked up how to light a barbecue, I realised I’d never lit one entirely by myself before. It was fine, of course, there’s not a lot to go wrong really. But another first.

7 It’s not 9 o’clock yet and I really want to go to bed. I’m nearly always exhausted in the evenings. However, I said last autumn that my blood pressure was so resolutely high that I wasn’t going to check it any more, because it was adding to stress levels. But I did, the other day, and it was 113/75 and so that’s another thing to dismiss from my mind.

A lovely time spent with niece N today, though I can’t deny a little lie-down this afternoon. I may not sleep much at night, but I’m making up for it later. Hot weather is good for the siesta.

I had a card and letter from Tim’s buyers. I’d left a letter for them, with necessary details such as how the burglar alarm works, but also details of local businesses, the dustbins, that Clare the lovely neighbour still has a key, which of course she will return – anything useful. I also left the original deeds of the house and manuals for any appliances that were left. S and J sound delightful and are really pleased with the house, having lost two previous places they’d offered for. They love the original 1920s features and are glad to have extra information. A charmingly hand-written card (my epistle was typed, but it was quite long) was such an unusual touch and I’m happy now to know that the house has gone to lovely people.

One day, I’ll manage to unpack the boxes of Tim’s stuff that I’ve brought back here.

With a bit of mental respite from immediate things, I’m turning my attention back to this year’s blog party. I avoided the weekend near Tim’s 80th birthday, when we’d hoped to have a big party – Tim did so love a party and so do I – and it’s on the 30th of this month. As ever, you’re all invited. At least 3 bedrooms, possibly more are booked, but we can juggle – everyone will get a bed, one way or another, even if Wink and I have to share. So, if you’d like to, come and you’re welcome to stay over as well. I’d just like to know dietary needs and preferences, because there’s little more embarrassing than finding that you’ve provided nothing that a guest can eat, even if they’ve brought their own food.

Who knew of an allergy to onions?

This weekend, I’m out to lunch with Tim’s niece and then have a free Sunday. So I can relax. I hope you can too.

Wimbledon was brilliant, we were lucky with our very exciting matches. The journey home was marred by road closures, so it took nearly an hour extra. But we got back safely and had stopped for a sandwich, so could go straight to bath and bed. I had an early meeting the next day, so rapidly washed my hair and was mildly taken aback to find it was still damp on my arrival. I decided that I’d brazen it out and everyone could assume it was my Look. I’m sure I got away with it and it doesn’t matter anyway – oh, the advantages in being old and not caring.

Blood donor appointment this afternoon, so I’ve taken it easy today. I get very tired afterwards otherwise. I cooked calamari, courgette, mushroom and a random fried potato, with a tomato salsa for dinner, so awfully healthy and so on. Polly bantam is still with us and eating well, but even more frail and her balance isn’t good. I’m going to see if I can come up with a better roosting place for her in the morning. Then out to fetch more china for auction, then my dear friend is calling round in the afternoon, it being his first visit from New Zealand for three or four years.

Wink and i are at a hotel in Wimbledon and we’re going to the tennis tomorrow. First time for me.

We went out to dinner at Côte, which is a chain of French restaurants and it was busy and delightful. Lots of families just finishing their meals when we got there, relaxed and happy in friendship groups. More people refilled the tables, sometimes in couples, sometimes more. I really enjoyed the atmosphere and buzz of conversation.

We had walked there, half a mile or so, mostly uphill, which did Wink’s asthma no good. But downhill on the way back and we enjoyed the scents of jasmine, rose and honeysuckle from the gardens as we passed by.

And so to bed.

I apologise. There’s very little more dreary than someone insisting on telling you about their dream and it’s something I avoid, normally. But I don’t want to forget any of this – just look away now and spare yourself.

I woke up around 4 o’clock and drifted off to sleep after a while, I don’t normally know if I’ve been dreaming other than in a situation like this.

It started at the Special School I mentioned the other day. I’d been invited to watch a film with the students and various other adults. The children were on school chairs in rows, but there were some wooden chairs and a few sofas at the back for the grown-ups. I chose a chair, but it was too close to the man next to me and I accidentally nudged him and apologised. It was a Star Wars film, not one I’d seen (Jar Jar Binks ruined Star Wars for me and I’ve not seen one since) and it had only just started when my neighbour got up and left the room. I wasn’t very comfortable on the hard chair, so moved to the sofa, which was empty, but a few moments later I looked to my left and Tim was there, smiling at me. I said “oh! I didn’t see you” and smiled back, we were so pleased to be together and he said “you must look after yourself, it doesn’t do me any good to be worried, with my heart” and he put his hand on his heart and added “good to see you being careful at the lights” (I’m always careful at the lights, but let it pass, I was so glad to be with him). I knew I was dreaming and that I must cherish this and not forget. He wasn’t a ghost, he was real, but only in a dream, I was aware of that. And then we snuggled up together and then, as he kissed me, I slowly woke up and wasn’t able to return to the dream.

That was it, it was only a dream and not a message, it was my relief at having been to the bank yesterday. But it was lovely.