Our dear friend Daphne came to stay for a couple of nights. She was one of the very few non-family friends whom Tim and I invited to our wedding, she’s that close. Russell knew her from a little girl, when she moved to this area and she’s also Ro’s godmother. She lives near Canterbury now. We all went to her 80th birthday party last year.

She went to call on a friend this morning – he lives in the house where she grew up – and she’s just phoned to say she arrived home safely. She didn’t ring earlier as she knew I was going to be at a meeting this evening.

Yesterday, when I went to feed the cats and chickens, the sky was dark and it was clearly going to rain soon – which it did, torrentially, but I was safely back in the house by then. Hurrying to feed Hop and cover her and Polly’s coop with a tarp, I forgot to take the eggs in with me and went back for them today. Empty shells scattered about. I was sure it wasn’t a fox and the feral cats wouldn’t have done it, so probably a hedgehog. Wink went to feed the cats tonight as I was filling up chicken feeders and drinkers and she came back to me, saying there seemed to be a dead animal. She’d had injections into her eyes this afternoon, so her sight was somewhat blurred. I went to check. A large hedgehog was curled up on the ground near the cat feeding station. It was breathing, so just fast asleep, presumably sleeping off the eggs it had eaten and all set to polish off the cat food later. I can’t begrudge it to a hedgehog, though. It’s very welcome. A couple of years ago, when we had a thieving hedgehog, I used to put an egg and a dish of cat food out for it every evening.

We have so few insects nowadays, I was even pleased, yesterday, when I saw a couple of cabbage white butterflies.

We’re off to London first thing tomorrow. I must go to bed. Goodnight.

It did rain on Sunday morning, but I was not deterred. We put up the big gazebo, which Rose’s lovely late Dave gave us, and I put the barbecue under that so, if need be, I could cook in the rain without me or the food getting wet. However, there was an hour’s respite, so we were able to eat outside after all. Exams are over, so children were cheerful and everyone had a good time, I hope.

Luckily, I didn’t have to go to today’s all-day meeting after all, so our guest and I had a nice day out in Dunwich and Southwold. Wink had things to do, so stayed home and cooked dinner for us. It’s a busy week and I had one of those sleepless nights, for no reason, last night, so I am quite wiped out. I’ll go to bed soon.

There used to be more hours in the day, I’m sure. Not enough now.

The family is (should that be are?) coming for lunch tomorrow and I’m going to be seriously confounded if it rains so much that I can’t do a barbecue. But it’ll be fine, I’ll manage anyway.

Today, I went with Ro to the primary school fair – that is, the school that Rufus goes to. It was really good fun, we spent nearly three hours there. Afterwards, we went on to the local library, which they go to every Saturday that the children are with Ro. The librarian is really delightful and has a great rapport with her customers. There is normally a Saturday Lego club, but not many children were there this morning because of the fair, so she very kindly got them out anyway for Rufus and Perdita to play with. She also made tea for Ronan and me. Other children arrived later – village libraries have to do more to encourage people nowadays, so a librarian with a really lovely personality makes a lot of difference.

When I finally got home, I was so tired that I stretched out on the sofa for a nap. I only slept a few minutes, but just lay there for another hour. I didn’t sleep much last night, i was too hot. I put a fan on, but I can’t sleep with that, so I was awake for hours. I need to wash my hair, I’m very sticky. I would have liked a shower, but was too tired to stand under it, so it’ll be a bath. I’m old, darlings. Not very old, but old enough to accept some limits.

A friend will be passing through East Angular on Monday, so has asked if it would be convenient for her to drop in – of course! So she will arrive in the evening and stay for a few nights. I have got a few things on, which i can’t really avoid, but Wink will also be here, so we’ll look after things between us.

I was too tired to cook tonight, but I’d planned an egg curry and then been unable to resist a globe artichoke at the greengrocery. So I did cook and I had a leisurely meal, with wine, at the dining table. I feel better for it. So a quick bath and hair wash now, followed by a bit of time staring at a book, whether I really read it or not.

Unless the cat gets on my lap. She’s just come in the room. I must get up quickly before she anchors me.

I’m gradually catching up with admin. I’ve sent off several forms since I got home, by post or email and I’ve less hanging over to worry me. One item, I returned correctly formatted and received a grateful email from the person who expected to have to do that. It was hardly more trouble to complete the job than to send the information and expect her to do it.

I’ve got a whole lot of online safeguarding training to do. Hours of it. I can’t bear to look back on the hours of safeguarding training I’ve done over the years, but one module of this is about domestic abuse. Why I wouldn’t just rapidly pass on anything to someone more able to help is a matter that the training may deal with, I suspect it will, but I seriously think I was absolutely nuts to agree to be a churchwarden again. I haven’t got time for all this. It’s just box-ticking.

I’m thinking ahead to next year, mostly about going away. I want to do things while I can. Since no one in my family lives to their 80s (though my sister rather hopes to change that), I assume I’ve only got a few years to get my act together – all part of the JFDI way of life.

Very mixed emotions here at the Zedery, but you wouldn’t know it if you met me. I come over as really quite sensible.

Anyway, darlings, it’s not too long until the blog party. Do come, if you’re able to. There will be two newbies this year, at least – Lawrie and Lynn are actual real, long-term face-to-face friends. I’ve known Lawrie for about 65 years and Lynn for over 50. Wink and I are going to their golden wedding party in September. They live in Dorset now, but will be up here later this month and staying with us. Great fun and very sociable, they won’t be at all put out by not knowing anyone, they’ll join in and everyone will love them.

Thank you for your good wishes. I did have a lovely, quiet, relaxing time and I’m home now, though very tired. It’s a long journey. However, it’s one I still choose to make regularly for now.

I expect I’ll say more about the visit soon. But for now, a catch-up with things here, mostly because there’s not much to say. I got home about noon, having stayed with John overnight – we altered the arrangements from Sunday lunchtime to Monday afternoon, which made things easier – and Wink made me dinner and we have finished a bottle of wine. She cooked scallops, which made eCat very happy. She even overlooked the garlic as she was so happy to have scallops.

I have made an appointment with my accountant. It isn’t for another 7 weeks, but I’m busy until then.

I’m sorting out some of the rest of Tim’s affairs. Two last things to cope with, one being simpler than the other.

Then, I’ll get on with sorting out the rest of Russell’s affairs. Widowhood isn’t just about grief. It’s a long slog towards practical completion. That doesn’t supersede grief, though.

I’ve spun a few plates since I got home, but more are starting to wobble, so there are things for tomorrow.

I’ve been invited to a birthday party in August next year. There’s a very limited chance I’ll be able to go. Tempting, but. I’ve also been invited to a birthday party, a golden wedding anniversary and a wedding this autumn, these being three separate occasions and I’ve accepted all three of them. Maybe I should go to Chennai next summer after all.

After Russell died, probably a year afterwards, there was a cold day and a dismal weather forecast and I said that I fancied relighting the Aga, but it was too early in the year – not quite autumn. And then I thought, what if I died in the night and I hadn’t had the pleasure of lighting the Aga? So I did and – evidently – I didn’t die and I’d had that pleasure anyway. You get to the stage in life when a pleasure, if deferred, might never happen. One forgets because one still sort of feels that there’s plenty of time. But there isn’t. So do it, if you want to and you can.