Z’s thoughts are elsewhere

My Dutch friend Irene, whom I visited in Maastricht in September, is dying tonight by her own choice.  That is, she has terminal lung cancer and she decided that this is the day to up her medication to a level her body cannot survive.  Her family is with her and her daughter has been good enough to share this with Irene’s friends on Facebook.

I’m rather dismayed to realise that I’m playing for church services four times in a week.  The clarinet tomorrow, the organ on Wednesday, I’m not sure which on Thursday, the clarinet on Sunday.  The clarinet is much easier to play well, as long as it’s in good order and the player has breath and good lip muscles.  Sadly, my lip muscles are right out of condition.  I practised this evening and I was finding it hard after playing all four hymns/carols once – that is, one verse of each – never mind the four or so that I’ll need.  I slept very poorly last night so I don’t really have the oomph to play more tonight.

When one is awake in the early hours, there is a certain Facebook cameraderie and a couple of my young friends encouraged me to get up and eat, so I made scrambled eggs on toast and coffee and brought them back to bed at 3 am.  It didn’t do much for the sleeping though and I only slept for about another hour.  It’ll be better tonight.

I need to make a note of what I still have to do, such as ice the cake.  Not that I like icing much, I could put nuts on instead.  Anyway, it has to be done.  I’ve got a few presents left to buy, not much.  I never wrap anything until I’ve bought everything, it makes life simpler and I think it’s far more fun to do it all at the last.


10 comments on “Z’s thoughts are elsewhere

  1. Z Post author

    No, the other musician is in hospital and likely to be out of action for quite some time. I went to bed early, too tired to watch tv – at least I slept well though and can catch up on what I missed.

  2. Blue Witch

    So sSorry to hear of the demise of yet more friends.

    This really hasn’t been your year has it?

    Hope things look up soon and that all goes well over the FOTCR™.

  3. Sharifa

    *hugs* Because I can’t bring a casserole (which is what we do around here) or share some of my (drunken) Christmas Cakes with you, so my virtual hugs are all I can leave! Here’s to you, sweet pea! xoxoxox

  4. Z Post author

    No, it feels as if everything that can have gone wrong has done. My friends are so kind and supportive, though, and it’s sometimes interesting to find out who are my friends and who disappear.

  5. sablonneuse

    Sorry to hear about your friend Irene, but on the other hand she is in some ways lucky to be able to choose when and how she wants to end hr suffering. It’s much harder for those left behind so plenty of virtual hugs coming your way.

  6. 63mago

    Irene’s fate shook me a bit.
    There is only one way into this life, so many out of it. Montaigne – I read it just some days ago – says (surely echoing some of his loved ancient philosophers) that we should not believe that dying of old age, peacefully in bed, would be normal, it’s the exception. The self-chosen exit is the last liberty, one that can (or better : should) not be denied. Still today it makes me feel guilty that my mother had not this choice, or better that she was not allowed to go her own way. Ich habe versagt. Als Sohn, als aufgeklärter Mensch, als Liebender. Morphium is a good invention.


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