Z thinks of changing the Sage’s name. Basil? Lovage?

I had a talk with the Sage yesterday about future plans, as a result of which I was sunk into too much gloom to rise above it and write.  He and I want completely different things in the next few years, which seems quite a pity.  I’d have liked to think we might do more together, apart from plan his china sales.  However, it seems that I must still gear myself up to doing things I enjoy, alone.

We have always both had an independent streak mind you, and I think that’s a good thing.  Being a desperately gloomy person by nature, I’ve always been only too aware that one of us will eventually be left alone and I’ve always made sure that we both have some separate interests and friends.

Although the Sage is a lot older than me, I don’t assume that he’ll go first by any means.  My parents’ and grandparents’ average age at death was around 62, I’m not sure what his grandparents’ were but both his parents lived into their 80s so I have always taken the view we’re both likely to pop off pretty well together, which actually means that his determination not to retire until he’s at least 80 is pissing me off quite a bit.

We may have been married for 39 years, but the Sage doesn’t know me very well.  I asked him what I enjoy doing and he said “well, there’s your school work.”  I said that was work, could he suggest things that I most like doing apart from that.  “Shopping,” he said.  “No, try again.”  “Er, driving.’

Wrong and wrong.  His next couple of attempts were better, if vague, but honestly darlings, you know me better than he does.  Apart from talking (thank you Barney), I’m sure you lovely people could suggest something I enjoy and get it right.  Apart from Lowestoft china which is a sore point around here right now.  I bet you’d get it more right than he did.

I gave him full credit for his loveliness in welcoming blogfriends here and also for his warm hospitality in welcoming Elle.  I wouldn’t want him to think I take him for granted.

22 comments on “Z thinks of changing the Sage’s name. Basil? Lovage?

  1. Beryl Ament

    I’m somewhat in the same position—although we are both retired. This house is big enough that we can both disappear into different rooms (and in his case he spent a fortune converting and heating half the garage so he can have a man cave. Once he added a refrigerator and TV he was quite happy,)
    We usually argue over everything (no, we will not paint the back entrance rose), but if something is done to my specifications, he always tell me, and means, I did a good job.
    Now we have to decide whether we will go “up north” with a friend on Wednesday and should we finish watching “The Forsyte Saga.”

  2. Z

    I don’t think we’d do too well in a small house, Beryl!

    Tim darling, you’re such a wag. I shall write your name in the dust on my chest of drawers and draw a heart round it so that I can never bear to clean it again.

  3. Z

    No, I don’t think it has anything to do with that. I don’t want the Sage’s auctions to dominate our life any more and he does. That’s about it.

  4. mig

    You seem to enjoy so many things, it would be hard to pin any down.

    We’ve both been lucky to have widely different interests but I think Barney has been lucky that I found some of his easy to enjoy too. Well and so am I!

  5. Z

    What I don’t enjoy is that most of the year revolves round the auctions. This year, from February to the end of November. He loves it, I (he relies on my help) am bored stiff. Worse, over the past couple of years he has started to feel that the sales give his life validity – nonsense of course, but it’s making it harder for him to contemplate retirement.

  6. Blue Witch

    Well, on a purely practical level, given that he can’t do it without you (due to not having a driving licence and living away from passing transport), he doesn’t have much choice!

    If he wants to carry on doing it (and perhaps he finds it hard to know what he would do if he didn’t have it to fill his life), if you refuse to help as you have been, he’ll have to find someone to help him (and pay them) which might make it less financially viable. But, if he doesn’t actually need the income, that might not be enough to shift his perspective.

    Not an easy one to solve – good luck!

  7. Z

    It’s not the sales in themselves, it’s the way it takes over our lives for so long. The boundaries have shifted over the past couple of years, which is what has made it harder for me to deal with it.


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