Z thinks about love, but it’s too sad a thought to dwell on

The day went well, this house is at its best when there are lots of people and it’s wonderful for children.  I lit all three fires and remembered to keep them well stoked so that there were no draughts or cold spots anywhere, it was worth the effort.  The beef, rib on the bone, weighed some seven kilos and I cooked it for two and a half hours, which was just right.  I served a range of things to start, smoked salmon and smoked eel, fresh prawns and hot prawns, sausages wrapped in bacon, marinated peppers, olives stuffed with almonds. It didn’t matter if it was a bit random, it was all good.  Then I took the beef out of the oven to rest and put the Yorkshire pudding and the parsnips in, and we went to open presents while they were cooking, and I ducked out part way through to cook the vegetables and dish up.  It was all ready together and, which is the main thing, it was delicious.

I have to be busy, then I’m all right.  Of course I found it hard, but I didn’t dwell on that.  It’s not a matter of courage but of fear of too much feeling.  I don’t want to let in too much of that and I sometimes feel that I never will.  It’s safer that way.

I couldn’t sleep last night, though that might have been because, after not much sleep the night before either, I dropped off for a while in the afternoon.  I finally came downstairs at about quarter to four and made tea, listened to the radio and eventually slept on the sofa for about three hours.  Today, I’ve mostly been cooking again, bacon sandwiches for breakfast, sausage rolls for lunch, I’ve taken the rest off the beef off the bone and shared it around the family and made stock from the remains.

Oh, I ran out of milk this morning.  We’ve been drinking a lot of coffee and tea and, having them black myself, I forget how quickly it’s used up.  So I took myself off to Big Pinkie’s farm where they have a dispenser for raw milk, you take your own bottle.  Zerlina and Gus came with me and they didn’t realise the significance of the crowds gathering in town, but I realised it was the Boxing Day Meet.  So, on the way back, I parked and we walked through to Earsham Street.  The children loved seeing the horses and hounds and there was something of a thrill in watching them all trot briskly off.  I don’t remember if I’ve said, little z has had a couple of riding lessons and adored it, so I’ve given her a voucher for two lessons for Christmas, but I’ll keep up fortnightly lessons for her throughout the year.

This evening, Wink and I are alone, so we are spending our time watching films on Netflix.  If we weren’t so busy eating Twiglets, I’d be cooking dinner, which will be the leftover marinated peppers and the leftover prawns, in pasta.  There’s a fair bit of leftover Christmas pudding and a bit of chocolate roulade, which Al made, but I’m not sure they’ll be tackled yet.

It was a lovely Christmas Day.

3 comments on “Z thinks about love, but it’s too sad a thought to dwell on

  1. allotmentqueen

    I’m so glad you’ve had company. And grandchildren are the best, aren’t they? All those experiences you can share with them. Good that you can keep Zerlina happy with an activity that she’s interested in and is healthy. I think Christmas pud will last a fair bit yet. I have to agree it is safer not feeling too much, it keeps the stress and anxieties away. Is Wink on her own now? Glad that she could be there with you.

  2. chairwoman ros

    i had an unusual early Christmas present from Katy and Ben. They’d taken themselves off for a luxurious weekend, but had actually eloped! Their reasoning was good, and after my initial shock, I was just happy for them. They spent Christmas Eve night, and Christmas day with me, but went home after that.

    As usual she cooked a wonderful dinner and all was convivial. I just can’t sleep.

    I think you’re spot on about keeping feelings at bay. Far too dangerous things to let loose. Hugs and kisses dear friend xxxxx

  3. Z Post author

    I must eat the rest of the chocolate roulade. There are two helpings, but Wink doesn’t eat chocolate. Wink is a widow too, she has lived alone since her husband died when she was 49. It seems to be a family thing.

    Well, congrats on being a mother-in-law! I reckon I have six children now, and it’s lovely, though I expect you already thought of Ben that way. Any change, even if good, can ruin a precarious sleep pattern, can’t it? Life feels like walking a tightrope.


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