Z rambles on quite a bit. So?

I’ve been in my element in some respects today, because I need to make plans and that’s what I’m good at.  Seeing what needs to be done and analysing how to do it.  I don’t necessarily have to do it all myself, hem hem.

And then I came home and I got quite involved in reading really boring documents, of a type that interest me and few other people (a closet nerd is still a nerd), namely the Governors’ Handbook and the Academies’ Financial Handbook – latest versions, with particular reference to the changes.  It’s a sad thing to admit, but I like to know the rules.  I don’t necessarily follow them, unless they are statutory, when I do.  Clearly.

I spent so long on that, that I’m not quite ready yet for tomorrow’s meeting.  But I’m up to date overall, I feel quite buzzed and up with it.

However, I had a sudden let down, a couple of hours ago.  I was in the kitchen and had just counted the bottles of wine in the rack and then was thinking of something else, when the loss of Russell hit me.  I don’t know why, but then I don’t know why it usually doesn’t.  My shield is usually up but, for a while, it wasn’t and I was hit hard.

I tell you this because I trust you not to think you have to do anything.  I got through it and I’m all right again*.  Poor Russell, I sometimes feel that I block him too much, yet I need to.  And he blocked me, I tried my best to help him and he wouldn’t let me. I suppose he couldn’t, and I can’t, and that is the way we both are made.  I juggled a bit with the tenses there, but came down to the present, because that’s where I am and it’s where he would like to be and, in a way, he is with me, even if I can’t feel him there.

Anyway,  Let’s move on.

Baking – I’ve been thinking of making bread again, but then I don’t eat much of it.  So I’m thinking about yeast cookery in general.  Danish pastry, brioche, croissants and so on and so on – I feel the need to cook and to be engaged with cooking and that seems to suggest kneading – literally hands on – does that make sense?  Not that it matters if it doesn’t.

I had a phone call from the RNIB this evening – that’s the main charity for the blind.  It means a lot to me, my grandfather went blind and I dread it almost as much as dementia – no, nowhere near as much, except selfishly, that if I lost my mind I wouldn’t know, whereas the awfulness of losing my sight would hit me every day.  Anyway, I have a monthly standing order and subscribe to their quarterly raffle too.  I recognised the comfortable Scottish voice of the woman who rings me each time and said at once that she could send me raffle tickets.  But she had a new question – did I normally buy them myself or sell them on?  Well, this and that, but normally the former – so we dealt with the transaction briskly, I said how many I would buy and paid by debit card there and then.  I said that it reminded me of my mother when she used to hold coffee mornings, 30+ years ago and said to me and Wink, she would like to just charge people a fiver not to come and everyone would be saved time and trouble and the money go straight to the good cause.


4 comments on “Z rambles on quite a bit. So?

  1. kipper

    You know we are here for you anytime you need us.
    new paragraph….I was looking through a catalog and saw a t-shirt for sale. Inscription was: “Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was very Tense. ” Don’t know why, but that still makes me giggle.

  2. Mike Horner

    My late mother-in law, towards the end of her very long life, was registered as blind, and it didn’t appear to bother her in the least. But she did rather fear deafness. She said once that blindness only cuts you off from things – deafness cuts you off from people. Thee’s something in that, but I would hate blindness I think-especially as an antique dealer. I wouldn’t be able to differentiate between good work and bad.

  3. Z Post author

    Yes, I know and that’s why I risk being open on the internet. I probably trust too much, but I risk no one but myself, after all. Thank you.

    I’ve heard that before, Mike, but I don’t really believe it because I think that blindness cuts one off just as much and is, practically, harder to cope with. Maybe it’s a natural and kind reaction that one wants to feel that things could be worse. Both blind and deaf is a frightening thought, yet fine people manage that too, I don’t know how.

  4. sablonneuse

    Such a lot of posts to catch up on again. How do you manage to write interestingly (is there such a word?) even when you ‘ramble’ (your word not mine!)

    Cooking with yeast is quite therapeutic if you have the time and patience isn’t it? There’s a lovely light ‘cake’ called gateau Mollet which they make here. It’s basically a brioche but so much airier. Most people shy away from the idea of making one themselves but I know a chap who can produce a wonderful version – even better than the baker.

    As for Little Women – I hated the book so didn’t want to read the sequel.

    Our guestroom awaits when you fell the need for a change of scenery and a quiet life – reading and walks etc.


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