I’ve done almost nothing today – the usual stuff, that is, fed the chickens, walked the dog twice, basic and necessary cleaning, but nothing that I didn’t have to do. I haven’t even lit the fire yet and one of my small daily pleasures is not to wait until evening for that, unless I’m out all day.
I have come to recognise the effects of pushing myself close to my limit and, when I’ve done that, I want to retreat into myself for a while. This really is a nuisance, I have a lot of work to do in preparation for a meeting on Wednesday morning and more again before Friday, but I can only push myself at these times if I genuinely must. Admitting it sometimes spurs me on, which is the reason I’m writing about it now.
I am doing well. I was upset and angry again in the night and this morning, but not dreadfully so. I have thought about writing it all down, in the hope of clearing my mind, but I haven’t done so yet. When I first started becoming anxious about Russell, I did start another blog for my eyes only, but I only wrote on it twice and haven’t looked again. I’ve never kept a diary, except an appointment one, until I started blogging. Blogging itself is mainly positive and cheerful because that’s what it’s here for, as far as I’m concerned. If I’m not feeling great when I start writing, I’m usually feeling better by the time I finish. I don’t know that a pouring-out sort of blog will help.
1 Jamie called in for a cup of tea this morning, to check I’m all right, and kindly brought in some more logs for me and refilled the coal scuttles.
2 I’ve pulled myself together sufficiently to light the fire.
3 I was concerned that there was a rat getting into the chicken run as there seemed to be more digging in the earth floor than they would have done, so always put their food up high, but there’s no sign any more. A cat made her home in the adjoining barn and reared a litter of kittens, so she has evidently seen off the vermin, good girl.
4 Three eggs this afternoon. I don’t need three eggs a day and at this rate will be giving them away again, but nice to have them laying.
5 I’ve bought mackerel and a Dover sole today. I expect eating Dover sole is frowned on, but it was already there and must be within quota or it wouldn’t be sold. My nice fishmonger comes with his van on a Monday morning.
6 It isn’t a positive at all, but a decision anyway, I think I’m going to buy a new fridge. Mine is running far too cold, a whole bottle of milk in the door was frozen solid yesterday.
7 A letter and a book arrived this morning from a friend, which was lovely. Well, a card in fact, of a photo of Saki. A select few of us adore Saki. I haven’t heard from him (the friend, that is) since before Christmas and I’m afraid I hadn’t replied to his last letter at all. I’ve not found letter-writing easy and I’m too tired by the evening anyway. I should just direct everyone to the blog – though he knows of it and is an occasional, at least, reader. Anyway, that’s my mission for this evening: to write to him.