Got to love him

So, the Sage has been putting his foot in it with both hands recently. A few weeks ago (can’t remember if I told you this already, but if I can’t the odds are you can’t either) we were invited to have dinner with friends. I took the phone call, which was fortunate, and happily accepted the invitation and then told the Sage. We never do anything on a Saturday night so I knew it would be all right.

“Oh. A bit short notice. I might want to visit A & J”. A & J live in Cheltenham. I was a bit surprised. It transpired that he was planning to visit them at some time. Well, I might have implied that already. But I didn’t know that hithertofore. Furthermore, he was going to stay overnight. Upon enquiry, it turned out that he might go at any time in the next few months. So, what was the big thing about the coming weekend? I asked.

Long/short – I gave him hell. I explained that we were going to have dinner with friends and have a social life together for once. And, while I was about it, I wondered why he was insouciantly planning a night visiting his friends when he was so staying-away-from-home phobic that he didn’t even go to his son’s graduation and I was the only parent sitting with an empty place beside me, and he hasn’t spent a night away from home for more years than I can remember (at least 8, maybe 10). Poor chap didn’t have a leg to prop himself up with.

Two more incidents, this last weekend, that have demonstrated that he doesn’t take any notice of what I say, however nicely I say it. “Don’t throw that gravy away, it’ll go in with the partridge bones to make stock” isn’t that hard, is it? Binned it was, although the rest of the post-dinner chaos in the kitchen was untouched. “I’ve left *this* dishful for the chickens, and *this*, in the colander, is for Tilly” was also straightforward. Naturally, Tilly was disappointed.

I explained that it isn’t the wrong move but the not listening. He was abashed. Next time, I’ll make him repeat what I said. The simple truth is that most men dismiss what women say. It goes right over their heads. They think it’s all ‘yakyakyak’, however lucid the explanation.

Anyway, today he’s gone to visit A&J in Cheltenham. So I’ve taken the opportunity to cook an Indian meal. Fish in a yoghurt sauce, a mushroom and rice number, a green bean with chilli and mustard seed dish and spicy cauliflower. Later, I will play loud and sweary music. Then I’ll go to bed. He phoned at 7 o’clock. “I left the electric blanket on” he said. “I wouldn’t want you to be chilly without me.”

Oh, and he arranged for Al to feed the chickens. “Didn’t he think I’d get it right?” I wondered. “I think he was worried that you’d fall over and get muddy” reassured Al. “It’s a bit boggy just inside the gate.” It’s true. He spares me.

17 comments on “Got to love him

  1. Z

    His best suggestion was that he’s losing his memory with age. I said he shouldn’t call that up. As for thought processes, I’m not sure there were any. He was genuinely surprised when I pointed out inconsistencies.

    I’m missing him terribly. Usually, it’s me off on jollies and him left behind.

  2. luckyzmom

    Dealing with this with my husband this past week, which is why I haven’t been blogging. My husband is younger than I am, so he can’t use the Sage’s excuse!

  3. Sir Bruin

    “The simple truth is that most men dismiss what women say”

    Ooh that’s harsh. We hang on every word proceedeth out of the mouths of our better halves. It’s remembering it that is the trouble.

  4. Z

    You are indeed wonderfully attentive, Dave, but then you are a single man. Partnership does something to most men.

    Sir B, let’s put it this way “I’m planning your favourite meal tonight. Will you buy the *most favourite component* please?” – you’ll remember. If it’s “bit of a basic dinner tonight, will you buy the *vital but dull* part please?” – the odds aren’t good (when I say you, I mean nearlyEveryman of course, not being personal).

    LZM, LOM, we’ll roll our eyes and sigh together.

    Gordie, there will be no problem at all. She will be the lucky one.

  5. PI

    There are times when one just has to put one’s foot down. Not that it always works. Men are very good at disguising the fact that they don’t want to do something and find numerous ways of showing how they can’t possibly.

  6. Z

    That’s true Pat. The Sage generally agrees enthusiastically to every peculiar scheme I come up with, but it can take me a long time to work out which ones he actually intends to happen. He doesn’t need to though, all he needs to do is say. I prefer to know where I am, and after 36 years he still doesn’t realise that.

  7. Sir Bruin

    Ok, it’s a fair cop. There is some truth in what you say about my (I don’t presume to speak for others of my gender) selective memory. I’m on a bit of a loser though, being male, my default position is “wrong” (apparently).

  8. Z

    Fortunately, although men may be, by definition, “wrong” they have charm and charisma enough for this not to matter most of the time. Let’s face it, perfection would become quite boring.

  9. Z

    I don’t quite know how you manage it Dave, but you achieve the former without ever risking the latter.

    We had aubergine as well last night. How could I have not mentioned it?

  10. Z

    Hello and welcome, Sheer Almshouse.

    Everyone, I embarrassed myself by getting SA’s sex wrong in a comment on another blog. It had been a really good comment too. As is her blog.


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