Arthropod, Bottom, Cheeks (for instance)

I was pondering, this evening. What made me ponder was the phonetic alphabet thingy, you know, Foxtrot Romeo Zulu and all that malarkey. And the reason that made me ponder was hearing a woman say that their seats were in row N and the chap with her said “N? N for Naughty?” Which reminded me that our postcode ends in F and whenever you give it over the phone the person at the other end says “F? F for Freddie?” Almost always. Rarely Foxtrot and never a third option.

And that made me think that one could have more memorable words. More interesting, maybe slightly startling. First, I thought of an alphabet of more-or-less rude words, but then I thought that this would be a bit dodgy to give over the phone, so maybe slightly odd would be better. So, if (living in Norfolk as I do) I started my postcode with Naughty Rascal, you wouldn’t forget it, would you?

I didn’t get all through the alphabet, well I did, but I’ve forgotten them now. I’d be charmed for some suggestions though. I know no one reads blogs at the weekend, least of all during a Bank Holiday weekend, but if you have a minute to spare to call in, would you like to come up with a couple of ideas? I’d be quite happy with, say, a noun and an adjective for each letter, so I don’t care if everyone suggests words for the same few letters, I mean, do I look a woman who gives a tuppeny damn about Rules? I think that B should be Bottom though, don’t you?

If you don’t leave anything in the comments, I’ll pretend you have all emailed me and make them up myself.

A – Arsey
B – Bottom
C – Czar
D – Djinn
E – Effing
F – Floccinaucinihilipilification
G – Gnome
H – Honour
I – Imbibe
J – Jerk
K – Kiss Knight
L – Lurch
M – Mnemonic (actually, that could be just too confusing)
N – Nuts
O – Organ
P – Pneumatic Pants
Q – Quiescent
R – Rumble
S – Snot
T – Tzatziki
U – Uppity
V – Verisimilitude
W – Wriggling
X – Xylem
Y – Ypres (pronounced correctly or as ‘Wipers’, each works)
Z – Bed

I give you carte blanche but reserve the right to refuse any suggestion that I deem just Too Rude.

21 comments on “Arthropod, Bottom, Cheeks (for instance)

  1. Id Entity

    What a cunning plan, z.

    I will try and do them all for you, as I am under house arrest until Tuesday, so I’ll be very glad to have such a project to occupy me.

  2. Dave

    I am Otherwise Occupied at present.

    Thanks for your offer of help, by the way, but I think this is a Labour I shall have to gradually work through myself.

    Do come round for a cup of tea, though. I have two chairs clear now, and a kettle.

  3. ephelba

    I always wanted to make one up the troublesome way, as in “That’s G as in gnome, p as in pneumatic, c as in czar etc.”. I’ve had the dickens of a time coming up with all the letters though.

  4. Z

    I will phone you, Dave – I think Tuesday afternoon would be good for me if it suits you. I won’t try to unpack your books for you, I’m remarkably uninterfering, I promise.

    Excellent, Ephelba. I like those.

  5. heybartender

    Uppity is a favorite of mine. And going along with ephelba, what about E as in “effing?” That’s good and confusing.
    And P as in pants.
    I wish I were feeling more creative right now, but I’m kind of worn out. I’ll come back to this.

  6. Eddie 2-Sox

    Gnome and pneumatic would obviously befuddle any chav in a call centre.

    Can we add Mnemonic for M and Knight for K?

    Floccinaucinihilipilification for F?

    Tzatziki for T?

  7. Z

    Simon, I just put in mnemonic myself, two minutes ago. How nice to think that we’re 50 (or whatever) miles apart, both with the same idea at the same moment.

    I don’t care for Floccinaucinihilipilification (see what I did there?)

  8. Caitlin

    I think everyone should have their own personal phonetic alphabet that reflects the person they are. I’d like mine to be Amaretto, Baileys, Cointreau…..

    Do you see a theme?

  9. Gordie

    A for Horses
    B for Chicken
    C for Yourself / C for Miles
    D for Kate / D for estation
    E for Brick at ‘im
    F for Vescent
    G for Indians / G for Inspector
    H for Consent /Concern / Drinking
    I for Big ‘Un / The Engine
    J for Cakes
    K for Sutherland
    L for Betty Spaghetti / Leather
    M for Sis / for Mation
    N for Lopes
    O for Goodness’ Sake / the Wings of a Dove
    P for Drugs Test
    Q for the Toilet
    R for Minute
    S for Rantzen
    T for Two / Gums / On Edge
    U for Coffee /U for Me
    V for Espana
    W for Money
    X for Breakfast
    Y for Girlfriend

    and, how to finish this off?

    Zee for Cider
    Zed for Zodiac Mark I
    Zed for the Greek god of the wind

  10. Z

    Caitlin, I agree with you. I think we need several.

    Gordie, you have surpassed yourself. It will go up in its entirety tomorrow.

    Id and Zed go well together as name, don’t they? Just so long as you use some of the examples next time someone asks you for your postcode.


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