Z sticks in a rut

Wink and Weeza had an excellent trip to London and are safely home. I made mushroom risotto for dinner. I didn’t get everything done this weekend that I might have, but who thought I would? I did make some progress and I’m not way behindhand. It was chilly and bleak today, I lit the fire and read all morning, which did me good.

In another couple of days, it will be two and a half years since Tim died and, though I am averse to noting anniversaries, I don’t seem to be able to help it. I think of him and of Russell all the time and feel so dismal. I don’t think I show it, in general, I behave cheerfully as normal, but I feel dreadful and seem to be stuck in a state of underlying distress. However, there’s no benefit in giving in to it, I plough onwards.

I am making plans, at least, which has to be a good sign. I need to do a lot of house decorating and I have a mind to move furniture about. I always used to shift the furniture – Russell never knew what he’d come home to. It seems a lot more effort now, but I have ideas. Al doesn’t know it yet, but I may call on him for help.

Our friend near Canterbury is coming to stay for the Easter weekend, which we’re very pleased about. Wink is going to stay with her for a couple of nights, but she’s going by train and then Daphne will drive her back. Most of the family will come for Sunday lunch, though Al and co will come on the Saturday or Monday as it’s a nephew’s 18th on the Sunday and there’s a family doo.

I’ve dropped the American family story for now, my heart isn’t really in anything. I’ll come back to it. After the 5th, it seems.

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