Z knows how squirrels feel

That is, if there’s any truth in the fact that they forget where they’ve buried nuts for the winter, so that when they find some they must be awfully pleased. The more superstitious among them may even think that a little miracle has happened every time a cache of nuts turns up when they really feel like a nibble.

In this case, I’ve spent a monumentally dull afternoon doing the next 3-monthly rota for the church readings, coffee making etc. It’s early, but I’m going away on Monday for a week – have I mentioned this? I won’t be able to blog, darlings, I’m so sorry. Well, probably not. Where my sister lives, she can’t get broadband and dial-up is awfully slow and she spends much of her working day at the computer so she rarely bothers in the evening. So, I got the rota out early, and a depressing thing it was to do. Helpers have been diminishing in number for one reason and another, and I’ve had to put my own name down 24 times for the 12 weeks, as a reader, sidesman, coffee maker, musician or flower arranger.

Anyway, as I was nearing the end and just writing an email to go with it, I realised that it was coming up to 6 o’clock: ie time for a drink. I also realised that wine would not suffice. I wanted gin. I remembered using the last of the ice. Yes, I buy ice. Slap my wrist and call me extravagant and I will not care (unless the slap is very hard, in which case I will remove myself; I will not retaliate).

At about this time, Dave emailed me, so I remarked on just this sad situation. He wondered why I don’t keep gin in the freezer (for a non-drinker, he’s very astute and will make a good woman very happy one day). No, I hardly ever drink it, so it’s not chilled. I mentioned, however, that the Sage has, sagaciously, bought steak. Pity I don’t have any chips, I remarked.

Reader, I married him.

Ah no, forget that, that’s a line from a book.

No, I was driven on a whim (’twas a whim that made us build a wall) to look in the other freezer. The big chest one in the porch. And there was a half-used bag of ice that I’d forgotten I had. It smelled ever so slightly fishy, but nothing that gin wouldn’t cure. I went and put a good slug of it in a glass, added lots of ice and topped up with grapefruit juice, took a swig, and then decided to try my luck. I went back to the freezer, moved a box of big raw prawns and there was a bag of oven chips.

The superstitious might think that I was rewarded for being good and dutiful this afternoon, and doing the rota a fortnight early. I simply credit my bad memory but good instinct. I’d like it to be a little miracle, however, because it would indicate that Jesus approves of gin. I knew about the wine, but Mother’s Ruin would be no end of a bonus.

14 comments on “Z knows how squirrels feel

  1. Dave

    Oh, and on the gin thing, it was, I believe, first made in the Netherlands in the 17th century, so you’d hardly expect to find references to it in the Bible, but Amos 3: 5 (in the KJV) mentions it, as do some of the Psalms (140: 5, for instance). They seem to suggest it’s something to be avoided though.

    PS – must use KJV, modern translations don’t use the word ‘gin’.

  2. Z

    I won’t fall into that trap, Dave – though I appreciate you spending the last 14 hours poring over the Bible on my behalf. I wouldn’t expect to have Jesus’ opinion’s referred to in the Old Testament, though.

    Maybe his approval of genever, as my Dutch friends call it, is one of those matters (like the ordination of women or lavatories in church) that he’s only decided upon when the time was appropriate?

  3. Z

    I know it’s a (indeed the) Good Book, but I’ve read War and Peace from cover to cover several more times than I have the Bible. Two short passages once a week normally suffices for me. I suppose it’s a requirement for someone of your profession, however.

  4. Sarah

    Ah Dave looking for a Mary Magdalen to redeem? Though I’m sure you will tell me she wasn’t all bad?

    Z I’m rather partial to a G&T as well, though one doesn’t want to keep a stock of it the house, lest one becomes a little addicted!

  5. Dave

    I am toying with taking up a new vocation of saving fallen women.

    ‘Save one for me’ cries Roger.

    Pity, really, that I’ve moved away from Stiffkey.

  6. Blue Witch

    You *buy* ice when you have more than one freezer? Is that the ultimate laziness?

    I have 3 ice-cube trays which I empty into a large, thick plastic bag when they are set, and refil, when I go to a freezer. No hardship at all.

    If you incorporate citrus fruit, it’s all ready for G&T, Pimm’s, or whatever else takes your fancy when you don’t have the required fruit garninsh in the house.

    Still not convinced? No, I thought now šŸ˜‰

  7. Z

    I can’t stand ice-cube trays – I never have a level place for them to stand so usually spill water and if the ice isn’t decanted into a bag pretty soon it tastes freezerish. I did it for years and never liked it. For a while at one time I used those bags you fill and tie, but you know spending Ā£1.30 on ice two or three times a year is about the smallest extravagance a woman can have. I normally drink wine rather than drinks that require ice, unless it’s water when the least flavour from the freezer makes it unpleasant. So no, no apologies for laziness.


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