Z acts and reacts

I sometimes sit here and wonder what to write about.  I know I’m not alone, in that I write blog posts in my head during the day and sometimes react to an unusual event by thinking ‘Ah!  Blog material!’  Often, however, having mentally written the post, I either forget about it or find that it doesn’t need to be revisited and so it never makes it here.  Quite often, I become quite earnest and want to write a post on something I feel strongly about – this doesn’t have to be momentous in itself, I’m just an enthusiastic sort of person – but I strive to be brief and I become obscure (Horace, darlings, but I’ll spare you the Latin, which I’d have to look up to check anyway) and I get bogged down in explanations before I even start writing.

I feel overwhelmed by all that is to be done here and have to focus on little bits at a time, so that I can deal with them and even feel satisfaction when something is completed.  I can talk and laugh and enthuse and concentrate on quite complex matters, and then I’ll suddenly find it hard to speak and have to take several deep breaths before I can talk without my voice breaking.  It’s a bugger, darlings.  I don’t know where I am.  My emotions fluctuate and sometimes it’s a feeling of great love and sometimes a sort of fury that keeps me going, and then it’s also habit, routine and necessity and I know that the hopes and intention I speak of are an invention, a pretence that gives me the impetus to drive forward.  It doesn’t matter if I care or not, but I have to act as if I do.

4 comments on “Z acts and reacts

  1. sablonneuse

    Seems ages since I’ve visited any blogs so I have just caught up with you.
    In the past I’ve found myself thinking ‘blog material’ (and sometimes forgetting it) but nowadays I rarely consider what might be worth writing about.
    You always manage to make your posts interesting so I hope you will continue to find the time to write even though it looks as though you have a very busy time ahead.
    You can always escape to France if you need a break. xx

    Reply
  2. Z Post author

    That looks about right, Di – I love Horace, but I generally read him in translation nowadays – well, when I do, which I haven’t recently.

    I’ve let the blog slip some days, Sandy, but it rather punctuates my days and I miss it when I don’t write for a while. I still think better with the computer rather than the iPad, though.

    Reply
  3. PixieMum

    I am trying it rather difficult to express what. I wish to say, keep hitting the delete key, but I am wanting to say it is not surprising that emotions and feelings are all over the place. Please don’t be hard on yourself, I am amazed at what you seem to achieve each day. There has been so much in a short time, the Sage’s illness, the seriousness of which you kept from us, his death just before Ro and Dora’s wedding, whilst in the background there is a new Head at the school you have served for so many years. In spite of this, you have supported Zig as well as helping with the grandchildren – often at short notice.

    Thank you for sharing this with us, put yourself first and when you come to London hope we can meet up. Now I must try and keep up my blog writing, never sure whether it should be like a diary or a serious discourse.

    Reply

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