Please write anything else

I’m still being rather thoroughly spammed, but I’ve decided to live with it. After all, the comments are always polite and complimentary, except the one that pleads “Please write anything else”. If, on the other hand, you prefer word verification or comment moderation, do let me know and I will take a majority verdict.

My daughter is marvellous. She has come up with the most interesting and, it seems, illegal suggestion yet, which could combine my desire for a cheap thrill with the purchase of a new bicycle. I have the Daily Telegraph to thank for this (although the headline is somewhat misleading), for I would never have thought of it. I still haven’t quite worked out the logistics, even for the gentleman’s use, but it has potential.

The most exciting thing that happened yesterday was that, while I was working for Al in the shop in the morning, the Sage swept the chimney. Soot had gradually solidified around the top of the chimney pot and it had no longer been possible to get the brush through the remaining aperture, but a friend had a suitable tool that would grind it away and he did a sterling job. No soot at all in the drawing room (nor even a whiff of it – he could certainly make a sound living as a chimney sweep) and a lovely fire in the grate last night. As a result, I didn’t get my written work of the evening done. But I did read the papers all through.

There is new advice that one should stay thin all one’s life and not gain weight after the age of 21. I have two alarmingly thin sons – I rather hope they will be a little more solid by the time they are 40 although, of course, by no means fat. A woman should drink no more than one glass of wine per day, or possibly night. Arses. I’ve re-upped my consumption. And I don’t want to be a size 8 again, it’s too thin for me now and it wouldn’t be healthy.

13 comments on “Please write anything else

  1. Anonymous

    On the Today show this morning they said women(due to a health risk) should have no more than three glasses of wine per WEEK! Balderdash…I think a glass per night is medicinal and sometimes two or three glasses are just downright necessary.

    Reply
  2. Dave

    If I went back to the weight I was at 20, I’d have to throw all my clothes away, and buy completely new outfits.

    No woman would want to do that, I realise.

    Reply
  3. Z

    It was only a week or two ago that they acknowledged that the guidelines, when first decided upon, were pure guesswork. Binge and competitive drinking, and very young people going out to get drunk are more serious and immediate problems. Many people do drink more than they should, but the couple who share a bottle regularly would be more likely to listen to a suggestion that they have a couple of alcohol-free nights than that they drink two bottles a week between them.

    Dave, I have a couple of garments from when I was 20 still in the wardrobe. As I remember, I spent that year going from 8.5 stone to 10 and back down to 8 – but I did have a baby in the meantime.

    Reply
  4. PI

    You made me drop word verification. It is a frightful bore.
    I should think having sex with Twiggy at her boniest might have been akin to sex with bicycle- but she was very pretty.

    Reply
  5. Z

    It is a bore, and it discriminates against dyslexics. I’m not dyslexic but I still am often told I’ve got to type it in again, even if I’m sure I got it right first time.

    Haha – you’re wonderful, Pat. Mind you, didn’t Twiggy look healthy compared to some models now?

    Reply
  6. Malc

    What puzzles me about the Telegraph story – apart from the ‘how do you. . . ‘ question – is how he ended up in court if what he was doing was by himself behind a locked door.

    How does the sex offender’s register thing work in his case. Is he banned from working in Halford’s?

    Reply
  7. Z

    Indeed, it seems quite unfair, Malc. He was hardly offending public decency, and if anything the hotel workers were breaching his peace rather than the other way round.

    Heh heh. Splendid thought.

    Reply
  8. Ad

    I agree with Malc, tho’ wonder would he got away with it if it were a unicycle and not a bi-cycle?

    Re: the drink thing, apparently men are 65% H2O and women are 50%, so less alcohol is required to inebriate the fairer sex, as someone from north of Watford, that can only be a good thing.

    Reply
  9. Z

    Excellent, Ad

    Where on earth do you keep all that extra liquid? And surely it’s not water, it’s stored beer.

    And I’m a marvellously cheap date – give me half a pint of a decent beer and I’ll chortle away at all the direst jokes.

    Reply
  10. Arabella

    The food report seemed to be saying: “Everybody stop eating bacon NOW!”.
    Has England changed so much in the five years I’ve been away that a bacon-eating frenzy has taken hold? It was a weekend breakfast sarnie with plentiful brown sauce that I remember – hardly bacon bingeing.
    Not cheap either.

    Reply
  11. Z

    Most bacon is rubbish anyway. Even a fairly decent butcher buys it in ready sliced in plastic packs, when all the rest of his meat is bought in the carcase (sorry to the squeamish). What many people do seem to eat in quantity is ready-prepared food.

    I suppose kippers are out too – but since I have been eating them from an early age, I am probably doomed already.

    Reply
  12. luckyzmom

    Perhaps Mr Stewart could have helped with the soot. (Grind away, get his brush through the hole)
    I could not believe that it is against the law in England to do what that man did.

    Reply
  13. Z

    *Snort* with laughter! Wonderful! Poor chap, in the privacy of a hotel room with a locked door, too. It really should have been laughed out of court.

    Reply

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