Pi Napples

Have you noticed, in the last few years, that pineapples are much sweeter than they used to be? Time was you had to sugar them unless you had a particularly robust tastebud, but now you really couldn’t. They’re easy to grow from the crown of the fruit of course, but not easy to get ripe fruit from. Back in the long ago, my father grew a pineapple in the greenhouse but I don’t think it ever ripened. A pleasant memory I have from my childhood was when the Head Gardener of Lowestoft corporation nurseries took me all around the greenhouses. He was immensely kind. He was a shortish Scot called Mr Campbell and he told me about all sorts of things and gave me plants and picked me a lemon from a huge tree that grew on the end brick wall of the biggest greenhouses. I wonder if that lemon tree exists now. Mr Campbell had a reputation of being quite abrupt, but he was obviously dedicated to his job and extremely kind to a shy little girl. I remember him with affection.

I’ve done most jobs and only have a letter to write (a pleasant one but formal. which will take some care) and some practical things such as putting petrol in the car. Oh, and packing. Pfft. It’ll be fine. I mean, the worst that happens is that I forget something and have to buy it. It’s not as if I’m off to the back of beyond. I’ve got insurance, with medical issue duly declared, and the Sage is checking such things as tyres, oil and water for my initial journey. I find it almost impossible to get anxious as I just assume it’ll all work out and I have a quite unwarranted confidence in my ability to catch up. I’m slower than I used to be – that is, no I’m not, I can still go into scarily efficient speed, but only when I have to, and I find it hard to carry on doing practical work in the evenings.

Following a conversation yesterday, I’ve decided that my shorthand for relationships is this –

1 (to husband and family) You come first.
2 I respect your right to make your own decisions. I may proffer advice but don’t expect you to take it.
3 Thank you for your advice. I will take it into account.
4 (to husband and family) You are right unless I overrule you. Then, as it’s rare, I am right.

I think that’s about it, in addition to my three Golden Rules of Life, the first two of which are Be Polite and Be Kind and the third is between me and my husband. Ahem.

‘Course, one falls short, does one not? But one continues to try.

21 comments on “Pi Napples

  1. Z

    The third should be Work Hard, by the way (the three rules of the village school) but I’ve changed it to suit the lazy but affectionate Z.

    Reply
  2. Sarah

    Sorry that was me deleting…it didn’t make sense!

    I have decided, as I have become older, not to have any rules, they only get in the way. Make it up as you go along.

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  3. Christopher

    I tend to agree with Sarah, within your first two Golden Rules. What I was really waiting for was your Ten Commandments for Pineapples, but I expect we shall have to wait until you come back. Am I in time to wish you happy hols?

    Reply
  4. Z

    I suppose pineapples can have golden rules. As well as golden chunks and slices.

    I’m still here, Christopher. I’ll be off in the morning. Actually, I might borrow my sister’s library card and go and use the computer there, as I’ll be at a loose end on Saturday morning as she’s working.

    Reply
  5. sabloneeuse

    I’m more and more impressed with your alphabet titles – really great.
    As for pineapples, our local restaurant serves very thin slices in pomegranate juice, topped with sorbet. Delicious and refreshing.

    Reply
  6. Z

    It makes for some random subjects, Sandy!

    I often don’t know what I’m going to say until I’ve said it, 4D. Mainly, I’ve found that I get on better if I agree to practically everything people say. Most of them have more sense than I do.

    Dave, you haven’t been bricklaying without me, have you? Have you doubled the number of rooms in your house?

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  7. Z

    Ahem. Golden Rule number 3 – Always be ready for sex (with husband, of course). Does that help?

    Actually, “I’ve taken your advice” works like a charm. And you can just do what he wants and you don’t have to think and everyone’s happy.

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  8. Mariana Soffer

    Nice reading your 2 first paragraphs they are refreshing.
    Regarding the last part I must confest that I am happy that something always falls short, otherwise life will have no challenges, emotions, it would be more robot-like less human. So it has its bright side that my friend.
    Take care

    Reply
  9. LyleD4D

    I’ve got to say, I can’t remember pineapple ever being sharp to the point of needing sugar.

    Grapefruit on the other hand, hell yes. Although they also seem to be sweeter now.

    If you’re ever down in Cornwall, the house at Heligan has a pineapplerie (or WTF it’s called) – basically a lopping great greenhouse with underfloor ducts. They used to store all the horsemuck in the walled bit outside the pineapplerie (it’ll do as a name) and the heat from that rotting down was channelled through the heating ducts to raise the temperature inside enough to keep it right for pineapples. Very clever, really.

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  10. luckyzmom

    Golden rule of pineapple from one who worked in the Dole pineapple factory in Hawaii, more than forty years ago.

    If it don’t smell like a pineapple it won’t taste like a pineapple.

    Reply
  11. Z

    Someone perfect would be very hard to live with, or up to, Mariana, don’t you think?

    I went to Heligan a couple of years ago, Lyle – don’t remember seeing the pineapplerie, which is odd as I usually inspect the kitchen garden quarters with particular keenness. When I was a child we had hot beds with fresh manure in – probably horsemuck.

    *Makes mental note*, LZM. But what a tantalising snippet – hope you’ll tell us about your sojourn in Hawaii one day.

    Reply

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