Coming back to the phonetic alphabet, here are a few versions, which can be used to help or not, according to circumstances. They are all, I think, far better than the accepted versions.
And Happy Birthday Dilly!
Gordie came up with this one:
A for Horses
B for Chicken
C for Yourself / C for Miles
D for Kate / D for estation
E for Brick at ‘im
F for Vescent
G for Indians / G for Inspector
H for Consent /Concern / Drinking
I for Big ‘Un / The Engine
J for Cakes
K for Sutherland
L for Betty Spaghetti / Leather
M for Sis / for Mation
N for Lopes
O for Goodness’ Sake / the Wings of a Dove
P for Drugs Test
Q for the Toilet
R for Minute/ R for Ransome
S for Rantzen
T for Two / Gums / On Edge
U for Coffee /U for Me
V for Espana
W for Money
X for Breakfast
Y for Girlfriend
and, how to finish this off?
Zee for Cider
Zed for Zodiac Mark I
Zed for the Greek god of the wind
Ephelba suggested a Misleading Alphabet. A few gaps here, can you help? – and scope for improvement with others.
A – Aestivate
B –
C – Czar
D – Djinn
E – Effing
F – Floccinaucinihilipilification
G – Gnome
H – Honour
I –
J –
K – Knight or Kew
L – Llanelli or Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
M – Mnemonic
N – Neurosis
O – Other
P – Pneumatic
Q – Qatar
R – Rigoletto
S – Scythe
T – Tzatziki
U –
V – Verisimilitude
W – Wriggling or writhe
X – Xylem or Xavier
Y – Ypres (pronounced correctly or as ‘Wipers’, each works)
Z – Bed
Caitlin suggested the Drinking Woman’s Alphabet (men are welcome to join us). I gave up on a few and looked up cocktails; if you have better ideas please let me know.
A – Amaretto
B – Baileys
C – Cointreau
D – Drambuie
E – Eiswein
F – Frascati
G – Gin
H – Hock
I – Imbibe
J – Jack Daniels
K – Kirsch
L – Limoncello
M – Margarita
N – Newcastle Brown ale
O – Ouzo
P – Port
Q – Quagmyre (nah, don’t fancy it)
R – Rum
S – Schnapps
T – Tequila
U – Urbinos (this sounds quite interesting; white wine, cognac and raspberry liqueur)
V – Vodka
W – Whisky
X – Xaviera (no, I’ve never tried it, I shirk cocktails that have whipped cream in)
Y – Yucka (now, this sounds delicious. Vodka, lemon, lime and sugar)
Z – Zinfandel
And I suggest one to confuse and mildly embarrass the charming young gentleman at the other end of the telephone:
A – Adore
B – Bottom
C – Charming
D – Delightful
E – Entrancing
F – Fondle
G – Gorgeous
H – Handle
I – Invite
J – Jerk
K – Kiss
L – Love
M – Messing
N – Naughty
O – Organ
P – Pants
Q – Quiescent
R – Respectable
S – Snot
T – Teasing
U – Urge
V – Vivacity
W – Writhe (too like Ephelba’s idea, but such a nice word)
X -Xenophilia
Y -Yum
Z – Zestfulness
Another list, this time from Dandelion. I could not get away with using this, I’d sound quite off-colour. You have to be young enough (but not too young) or really quite old and I’m still in those in-between years.
A – Arousal
B – Breasts
C – Clitoris
D – Dildo
E – Erection
F – Foreplay
G – G-spot, Groping
H – Hanky Panky
I – Intercourse
J – Juicy
K – Kissing
L – Labia
M – Making Love
N – Nipples
O – Orgasm
P – Penetration
Q – Quim
R – Roleplaying
S – Sexy
T – Tampons, Titillate, Thrusting
U – Uterus
V – Vagina
W – Womanhood
X – X-static
Y – Yoiks, YesYesYes!
Z – Zip
Oh I LOVE these! I can’t wait until the next time I have to ring Telstra (and I never thought I’d hear myself say that).
In the first alphabet, shouldn’t it be R for Ransome? Especially if you’re going to have S for Esther. And shouldn’t it be Zee for Zoider?
In the second, if you’re going to have the F you’ve got, then you should really have L for Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. And I think X should be X for Xavier, to be truly misleading
“Writhe” is a fabulous word. As, incidentally is “vivacity”.
Words are wonderful things. There should be a place in one of these versions for “entrancing” which is just a beautiful word for a beautiful concept.
If you wanted to embarrass the gentleman, how about something like this:
A – Arousal
B – Breasts
C – Clitoris
D – Dildo
E – Erection
F – Foreplay
G – G-spot
H – Hanky Panky
I – Intercourse
J –
K – Kissing
L – Labia
M – Making Love
N – Nipples
O – Orgasm
P – Penetration
Q – Quim
R – Roleplaying
S – Sexy
T – Tampons
U – Uterus
V – Vagina
W – Womanhood
X –
Y –
Z –
I pay my respects to Dandelion, for a good list that even sounds like a workable order (given enough time).
Dandelion’s version is my favorite.
I am amazed that Dandy knows no sex-related words starting with J, X, Y or Z. She must have led a sheltered life.
Indeed, Dave. I’m sure someone will suggest additions. I’m not sure about G-spot, surely you need an actual word? If you can have G-spot, then I suppose you could have X-rated though.
If you’re not sure about G-Spot (something I can’t quite put my finger on), you could try groping. Or Gordie.
I’m not sure that “tampon” is a sexy word, although it’s certainly sex-related. Let me make coffee and think..
Well Prince Charles managed to make ‘tampon’ sex related.
Now I need to get that thought right out of my head {{shudder}}
I’m not sure we should use the Royal Family as our measure of what’s sexy. After all, anything could be sexy if you’re weird enough: a toilet, a toothbrush, a tourniquet, a tarpaulin.
I recommend teasing, tickling and tongueing tanlines and topless t*tties.
Mmmm, tarpaulins…..
J Juicy!
x xtatic!
Y Yoiks!
Z Zip!
Tentative suggestions for Dandelion’s blanks.
oh i needed to laugh!! the commentary is just as hilarious as the post, thanks for all everyone! I wish i would DARE use dandelions version when spelling my name on the phone.
Hello, Horny Orgasm Nipple Erection Yoiks…
Hmmmm needs a better word for Y. Yoni? Yoghurt? YesYesYes?
yws, as I believe the young people say, when texting.
I love you. Every one of you. You are fun to be with.