It’s complicated…

Lunch went really well and it was great to see our friends.  Distant cousins and in addition, Jill is my late mother-in-law’s goddaughter, her sister Sarah’s is the Sage’s sister’s goddaughter and their brother Paul is Ro’s godfather – or, as a very young Ro put it, dogdaddy.  Jill and Sarah live in the Sheffield area and we hadn’t seen them for years.  The Sage’s sister June hadn’t visited us here for a long time either, she doesn’t drive now and lives in North Norfolk and we usually meet in Norwich.  The whole family came too and it was fun.

The Sage is due to go on a tour of Adnams tomorrow – he had booked himself in without inviting me too, hmm – but then, being carless, he belatedly asked me to go with him.  Initially I accepted, but I’ve had second thoughts.  It’s a precious free day and I can get work done as well as spend a while just doing nothing.  Being on my own, doing nothing much has always been hugely important to me
and there hasn’t been very much of it recently.  I don’t have to be completely idle, that is, just letting my mind relax.

It used to be the greenhouse.  When we first moved here we had three children aged 12, 10 and 2.  It was all pretty lively and continued to be so for several years.  The greenhouse was my refuge.  I spent hours there looking after seedlings and larger plants.  Anyone was welcome to come and join me, but only to be a cheerfully quiet companion.  If one of the children came to complain about another, they were bundled out straight away.  Only tranquillity was allowed.  However, in the last few years I haven’t needed that – as far as the children are concerned, not for  many years and not as far as the Sage is concerned either, because he’s a restful person to live with on the whole.  But I’ve lost the knack of letting go and being tranquil and I’m not sure how to get it back.  Doing something that needs concentration but not thought or worry, I think.  I’m not sure I’ll manage it tomorrow, work being something that expands to fill the time available, but I’ll try.

Oh, I’m not letting the Sage down – he can borrow my car. 

9 comments on “It’s complicated…

  1. Blue Witch

    I woke up to the fact that the majority of others didn’t have the same sense of ‘duty’ as I used to, a while ago. Since then, I’ve found it much easier to say no, and have been much happier for it.

    Do you look after people rather than plants these days?

  2. Z

    I looked after people then too, but you’re never alone when there are young children around in the house, and I needed time to myself. Whatever I do, I’m better not being self-centred, it’s not good for anyone.

  3. janerowena

    I think, in a way, reading blogs has taken over 50% of my time that used to be spent reading. I have to read in bed before I can sleep, and so that is where Saki or Katherine Mansfield come in, or something light that I can drop and pick up again later. I still go to the library, but not as often as I used to and I take out 5 books rather than 14. Maybe you just need to try a new genre of stories?


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