The Sage is due to go on a tour of Adnams tomorrow – he had booked himself in without inviting me too, hmm – but then, being carless, he belatedly asked me to go with him. Initially I accepted, but I’ve had second thoughts. It’s a precious free day and I can get work done as well as spend a while just doing nothing. Being on my own, doing nothing much has always been hugely important to me
and there hasn’t been very much of it recently. I don’t have to be completely idle, that is, just letting my mind relax.
It used to be the greenhouse. When we first moved here we had three children aged 12, 10 and 2. It was all pretty lively and continued to be so for several years. The greenhouse was my refuge. I spent hours there looking after seedlings and larger plants. Anyone was welcome to come and join me, but only to be a cheerfully quiet companion. If one of the children came to complain about another, they were bundled out straight away. Only tranquillity was allowed. However, in the last few years I haven’t needed that – as far as the children are concerned, not for many years and not as far as the Sage is concerned either, because he’s a restful person to live with on the whole. But I’ve lost the knack of letting go and being tranquil and I’m not sure how to get it back. Doing something that needs concentration but not thought or worry, I think. I’m not sure I’ll manage it tomorrow, work being something that expands to fill the time available, but I’ll try.
Oh, I’m not letting the Sage down – he can borrow my car.