Z’s mood hasn’t lightened

I want to close in on myself for a bit. I’m being pressed for decisions, I have to fill in forms (is there anything more put-off-able than that?), write reports, take control of things that have been pushed on to me, make suggestions that I’ll be involved in following up, take responsibility for things including my health – ain’t it a bitch when you look around and realise you’ve been giving every appearance of capability for so long that people believe that you actually are, when in fact you’re as hopeless and helpless as ever? What I really want is for someone to just take over the boring bits and let me be all happy and grateful, but it ain’t going to happen, and there’s no reason it should.

I’ve made the smallest possible of starts, by phoning and ordering some new contact lenses, but even there I have cocked up. I put in the last one a few weeks ago (they’re monthly disposables) but I hadn’t got around to getting any more. This morning, I noticed a roughening at the side of it and I touched it to check and it split. Thank goodness I noticed, a split contact lens in the eye is terribly painful and difficult to get out. So now I’ve got a -2 in instead of the -2.5 I should have, but at least I had one left from when I had a less strong prescription. There’s so little difference that I can’t actually tell – I’m very lucky, I didn’t deserve to get away with that one.

Anyway, I’m going to get ready now for this afternoon’s meeting, which I don’t yet know if I’ll be chairing or not (the Chairman hopes to get there and it won’t be her fault, but more important family circumstances, which may prevent her) and I’ll fill in a self-referral form for physiotherapy, and then I’ll fill in the form I got this morning from the letting agents. Tonight, I’ll start plodding through the rest after Pugsley and Squiffany have gone home (we’re looking after them for an hour or so). Tomorrow, Weeza and Zerlina are coming over for lunch, so I’ll go in to the market early and buy some lovely food.

If I say it, does this mean I’ll do it? I’m pretending a bit, don’t you think? Coffee first? That would be lovely. No, you sit still, I’ll make it. Would you care for a nice raw carrot or a rice cake with that? I think I might indulge. Yum.

11 comments on “Z’s mood hasn’t lightened

  1. Dave

    I’ve had a few tasks dropped on me, following last week, and I started to panic. I’ve become unused to organising things for other people.

  2. Z

    It’s confidence and getting on with it, isn’t it, Dave? You know you can do it really but it seems daunting. Good luck.

    Maybe I could employ Weeza as my PA?

  3. Z

    You’d be surprised, Dave. The lack of opposable thumbs makes paper filing a bit awkward, but her typing skills are splendid.

  4. Rog

    I think I knew someone who would concur with that Z.

    I’m a bit concerned that you are self-referring yourself for psychotherapy though.

  5. Z

    No, you just get whole lots of sex for the rest of your lives. Well, not while the children are little and I’m not sure once you reach your 80s, but the decades in between.


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