Z tries and fails to temper happiness with caution

My piano restorer phoned this afternoon.  4.30 pm on Monday.   Might I allow myself pure hope?  I don’t care to risk disappointment, if I can help it.  I know the ways in which I am vulnerable and take great care of myself; careful and balanced at nearly all times.  Which is something that some of you will recognise and others will be scornful about – but I know myself pretty well and am self-protective.  On the other hand, this time I’m wildly excited and don’t care about admitting it.  Rain is forecast, which is the only thing that might scupper the plans – we’ll see.

I did all my Christmas shopping on holiday, locally in Yagnub or online, and the last of the parcels (as far as I remember) arrived today.  Of course, now I see that I haven’t quite treated everyone equally, so will have to do a bit of topping-up in the next couple of days, but I’m largely there. One package, I didn’t recognise and, when I opened it, I realised it was an unexpected present.  Badgerdaddy, with whom I stayed in Ludlow, and was so hospitable, asked me for my address the other day and I thought he was sending a card, but it’s more than that by a long way.  I don’t normally open presents until the day but, after hesitation, I succumbed.  And then cried a bit at the sheer thoughtfulness of it.  I’ll tell you after Christmas, I haven’t thanked him yet.  How kind and lovely friends are.  He’s young enough to be my son and there’s nothing but friendship between us (at my age, I hardly should need to make that clear, but I will, categorically), but we’ve always clicked with each other instinctively, though really we hardly know each other.  Writing can do that, don’t you think?  One gains insights beyond the superfluous…or maybe that’s pretentious.  Anyway, I love and value my internet friends.  And real life friend, obvs.

There are people who, having been hurt too much, find that their pets are more reliable – and it’s true, pets are reliable, especially dogs and horses – and birds of the parrot family, I understand – but I hope I never prefer animals to people.  Non-human animals I should say, because we’re all simply mammals when it comes down to it.

Yes, I’ve lost the thread of this post.  My contact lens has buggered off behind my eye again and I’m not in full command, dammit.  I’m off to read blogs now.

8 comments on “Z tries and fails to temper happiness with caution

  1. nick

    Yes, it’s interesting how you can click with someone just through a way of writing. And the opposite of course, when writing is somehow always a barrier and you never quite get through to each other. Strange.

    It’s sad when people get so disillusioned with other humans that they keep all their affection for (non-human) animals. I hope I never get to that stage, despite all the inevitable disappointments.

  2. Rog

    Loads of pianola rolls still come up at the auctions we attend – must be thousands still around. I suppose they were the first form of digital music.
    Anyway I hope you all gather round for a traditional “knees up” !
    Happy Christmas to you and Sage and the lovely Clan Ekarps!

  3. IndigoRoth

    Hey Z! Surprise presents are the best, and it sounds like this one really hit the spot. I’m a hopeless card sender, so I’ll wish you a Happy Christmas while I’m here =) Indigo x

  4. Z Post author

    Blogging has changed me, I’m sure, I’m more like the blog-Z than the previous Zoë, nowadays. And I’ve gained love and friendship through it, it’s been a wonderful experience for (nearly) the past seven years.

    I’ve never come across pianola rolls at auction, and R used to be a full-time auctioneer – but there are lots on eBay now. I will look through what we’ve got tomorrow, I know that there are a lot that were rarely played.

    Nick, I know that people suffer, but they can shut people out too and it’s a two-way thing. One has to keep trying and being open to friendship and acts of kindness – giving and receiving.

    I’m not a card sender any more, Indigo, it was one job too many one year and, once stopped, it’s too hard to start again.

    I’ll send happy Christmas wishes to all, thank you xx

    1. Mike Horner

      Hello Z. It’s reassuring to hear that we’re not the only ones to have stopped sending Christmas cards. This is our second or third year without. It’s easier to send Christmas Greetings on Blog/email generally. Although, if we receive a card from someone who is elderly/alone, and who hasn’t worked out that we no longer send Christmas cards, I’ve a feeling that Ann sometimes makes an exception…………………….


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