Z is reliable, especially if you’re a cat

I always try to buoy myself up when I write here. Perhaps I’m a bit too Pollyanna-like. I haven’t found it helps to dwell on the downside, on the whole. I acknowledge it and think it through, but writing it all down isn’t a good thing, for me. I started a blog, at an unhappy time, thinking that it might be good to express that side of my thoughts, but it only lasted two posts and it was making me more miserable. It’s still there but not public and never has been.

Mehitabel is still about, coming for meals. I don’t know what she does in between times, she isn’t hanging about with her children. I haven’t ventured to stroke her yet as I don’t want to frighten her away – she used to be very affectionate but she hasn’t come to me yet. All the same, she isn’t wary. She’s certainly more feral than she used to be, so perhaps she has always been an outside cat in her new home. So strange that Zain, then she, have returned after a gap of years, back to their old home. I realise that I’m known as dependable. Whatever else happens, it’s known that cats, people, whatever, can rely on me. That seems odd to me because I know myself and I don’t entirely recognise that … but I do to an extent. I do know that there has been anger when i’ve shown myself as vulnerable or needy or whatever and I have to hide that side of myself. Odd. I don’t really understand. But never mind. Pretend enough and it becomes your truth. I do recognise that I step up when needed and am reassuring in a crisis.

That’s not what I meant to write, I didn’t know I was going to say it. It’s been a pretty good day. Nothing much – laundry, housework, a Zoom (actually Microsoft Teams, but I think that Zoom has become a generic term like hoover) meeting and Tim cooked dinner. I made lunch, but it was a very nice bean salad with hot-smoked salmon, no cooking involved. I think we can go another day without shopping, but after that I will need vegetables.

7 comments on “Z is reliable, especially if you’re a cat

  1. Kestrel

    I think animals instinctively know who is dependable, same as they know who likes them and who’s pretending to be friendly. Life is full of struggles and I find dealing with people the most difficult. Returning home to family and pets is relaxing. Mehitabel sounds like a normal cat that goes about and does her own thing, returning whenever she feels like it. . I am not surprised that Zain has returned to her old home. Animals know where there is a good safe home with kind caring people.

  2. Scarlet

    I do know that there has been anger when i’ve shown myself as vulnerable or needy or whatever…

    My goodness, yes, I have known this anger when I have gone against the perception that some people have of me. It is the strangest thing.
    I hope you do have someone to turn to when you feel vulnerable, because we all feel vulnerable sometimes.


  3. Z Post author

    I don’t know if something had changed in their life or if someone misses them. Cats are anything but predictable. I’m really glad that Eloise isn’t a wanderer.

    Thanks, Scarlet. No, I don’t. I talk to myself a lot.

      1. Z Post author

        Thank you, that’s really kind. I should make it very clear that Tim isn’t included in this, he’s certainly never got angry because I’m upset. X

  4. Blue Witch

    If you talk to yourself you don’t get silly answers…

    As for the perceptions and expectations, yes, I know that feeling too. The good thing about being in a new area, in a lockdown, is that no-one bothers you with their neediness: it’s been such a relief to lose the hangers-on who’ve taken so much in emotional energy without ever giving or offering anything positive in return. Plus, the ability to reinvent myself in the future and ensure it doesn’t ever happen again!

    1. Z Post author

      That sort of thing was partly why I wanted to move after Russell died – to get away from demands. But I regained my equilibrium – and the place is easier to run now than it used to be. And I’ve retired from nearly everything. Though I get a bit bored sometimes….


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