Z hasn’t done a lot

You know the radio programme 1’ve never seen $t@r W@rs, where people own up to several things that *everyone* has done and they haven’t, and they then do it and talk about it?  Well, Macy was talking about the gym yesterday, and it occurred to me – not only have I never belonged to a gym, I’ve never even set foot in one.

It’s a matter of good fortune, but I’ve never broken a bone.  That is, my right hip was sawn off three years ago, but I don’t think that counts in this context.

I’ve never taken any illegal drugs.  Not a sniff.  Nor any legal but dodgy ones, either, nothing to change my mood in any way.  I’m clean, darlings, completely clean.  I know, child of the 60s, I should be ashamed.  But I’m a self-control freak instead.  I don’t mind in the least what anyone else does, but I want to choose what I do.  I didn’t smoke in my teens either (I’ve had the odd cigarette but never been a smoker) because of the peer group pressure.  I don’t do peer group pressure and if everyone around me is doing something, that’s quite enough reason for me not to.

It so happened that, the other day, Weeza mentioned that she’d never seen Titanic.  I can’t say that, I’m afraid.  She said, maybe she should, but the rest of us suggested that she should take it as a matter of pride.  I’m trying to think of a film that I should have seen or that everyone else has, but I’ll have to give that a bit more consideration.

I’ve never read a Mills and Boon novel, but on the other hand I’ve not read anything by George Eliot either.  I’m not sure why the latter omission, I read most classics in my teens.  Oh, I’ve never read anything by Salman Rushdie.  I stood next to him in the bar at the Theatre Royal in Norwich though, when Arthur Miller was doing a show – various actors were doing readings from his plays.  It was very good.

Exchanging emails with my friend Martina in Seattle the other day, it was mentioned that she’s been to Pompeii.  I haven’t.  If I was going to, I should have been there years ago when I’d have found it fascinating, but now I don’t want to.  I’ve become more tender-hearted as I’ve grown old and the horror of it would upset me too much now.  Actually, we didn’t get away much for years so the list of places I haven’t been to is a very long one.

I’ve never owned a cat – if one can use the expression.  I’ve never lived with a cat.  I like cats, I don’t mind the idea in the least, but I’d rather have a dog.

Anything I should have done that I might not have?  I’ll answer all reasonable questions.  Or any admissions of your own?

Update – I’m prompted by Sir B into another admission.  I’ve never ridden on a motor bike, not even a moped or a scooter.  He suggests I might get a licence, but it seems a bit like running before you’ve tried standing on your feet.  Or possibly trodden on your own toes, which might be more my style.

PS – do click through to the comments which, as so often, are shaping up to be the best part of the post.

32 comments on “Z hasn’t done a lot

  1. mig bardsley

    I’m quite unable to think of anything that everyone else has done except possibly to read War and Peace, which I’ve tried twice and given up.

    I think I did read part of a Mills and Boone once and that was more than enough.

  2. Sir Bruin

    I see some similarities here:

    Gym membership – Me? come on.
    I’ve never broken a bone, seen Titanic or read a Mills & Boon novel.
    Not been to Pompeii, but have owned a cat.

    As for something that you might like to do – how about geting a motorcycle licence?

  3. Z

    I think that starting something and not finishing it means it doesn’t count, Mig.

    Sir B, you’re right. Another thing to add to the post.

  4. Liz

    My list is similar to yours; never been to a gym (why would you?), never broken a bone (and hope I never do) but have had; in my opinion, more than my share of hospital admissions. I’ve never tried any illegal drugs. I’ve never tried a cigarette either.

    I saw about half-an-hour of Titanic and switched it off on the grounds that it was s***e.

    Also never read any Mills and Boon. I have read “War and Peace” (and probably should read it again because by the time you get to the end you can’t remember the beginning) and I believe that “Silas Marner” is by George Elliot and I have read that.

    I’ve never owned my own cat but my parents have had several moggys, some of which were while I still lived in their house. I wasn’t that fond of them, especially the one that used to hide under the bookcase and attack my ankles as I walked past. Furry little *******!

    Some of my own suggestions/ommissions:

    I’ve never actually CHANGED a babies nappy! I have applied a clean nappy to a freshly bathed child, but I’ve never had to deal with the contents of a dirty one.

    I’ve never watched X-Factor (nor do I intend to) or Downton Abbey, both of which I am lead to understand are very popular.
    I’ve never eaten snails or oysters and I’ve never been to a football match.
    (This is such a long comment I’m wondering if it wouldn’t have been more sensible to steal this idea and write my own post on the same topic!)

  5. Z

    You’ve never been to the theatre? Not even to the panto as a lad, John? I’m quite impressed!

    Brilliant Liz, thank you. I’ve changed a whole lot of nappies. I’ve never watched Downton Abbey, Upstairs Downstairs or any similar programme but I have caught a few minutes of X-Factor when a teenager has had it on. I’ve eaten and enjoyed both snails and oysters and I’ve been to a Lowestoft Town football match and a cricket match at the MCC (Madras Cricket Club).

  6. Mike and Ann

    A bit different, I know, but there are two things that I would LIKE to do, but haven’t (so far). One is to ride a ‘penny-farthing’ bicycle, but think I’ve left that a bit late. The other is to visit the Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg, where there are some very nice early ENGLISH guns, and I may one day achieve that, I hope.

  7. allotmentqueen

    I do have a full motorcycle licence and I have broken a bone (collarbone) and these two are related. So perhaps it’s just as well you haven’t got on a motorbike yet.

    In my youth I have cooked illegal cakes but then I have also married a policeman (not at the same time, and we are now divorced).

    I have read “Midnight’s Children” and “Silas Marner” but not “War and Peace”.

    I can’t remember ever going to a gym which rather suggests I haven’t but I did used to go to dancing lessons and learnt how to do the Saturday Night Fever dances. This had an unexpected “bonus” in that a fellow student was Timmy Mallett and I went out with him for a few months. (See, you don’t even know who he is, do you?)

  8. Bilbo

    I’ve always wanted to learn to fly but kept putting it off because of the expense and now I’m diabetic so I wouldn’t be allowed to fly solo for long. There are a few places I’d like to visit and more that I wouldn’t.

    btw cat’s don’t have owners, they have servants – keep this in my and it expalins feline psychology. As Terry Pratchett said regarding cats – “if they looked like frogs you’d realise how nasty they really are”. A friend had a cat that climbed her (hessian?) wallpaper and dropped on the heads of people she (the cat) didn’t like.
    I of course prefer cats to dogs.

  9. Z

    Blog visit to St Petersburg! I’ve not been there either.

    You’re not supposed to eat them straight out of the garden, love. It’s the butter and garlic that make the dish.

    Sir B once offered me a spin on his bike (in a comment, not while I was bobbing along looking keen) and I haven’t taken him up on it yet. Maybe this year? I’ve never married a policeman though, not even a Special Constable. I don’t know why I didn’t read Midnight’s Children … yes I do, it was because of the hype. Put me off. And of course i know who Timmy Mallett was, he was on tv when my children were young. I seem to remember he did a cover of Itsy Bitsy Teensie Weensie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini too, which I’ll feel a bit embarrassed about misremembering if I’m wrong, but I’m afraid it doesn’t say a lot about your taste in boyfriends if I’m right. Trust I’m not thinking of Cheggers.

  10. Z

    Hello Bilbo, your comment came in while I was typing. Yes, I know one doesn’t own a cat but it’d have to meet me halfway. I’m not its servant either. Maybe I’m destined never to have a cat in my house.

  11. Tim

    Where to start? I have never:
    Eaten a cat;
    Married a snail;
    Read George Eliot or Mills and Boon whilst munching illegal cakes (that was Thomas Pynchon);
    Owned a gym, or broken one;
    Flown. (I wish I could, but I have no wings.)
    Enough for now. I have more.

  12. Z

    Macy, that’s some dedicated missing. I’ve never seen The Vicar of Dibley mind, but that was deliberate.

    Are you actually Lewis Carroll, Tim? Ot maybe Dr Seuss?

  13. Rog

    I’ve still got a full motorcycle licence but they terrify me now. I once was arrested for 7 separate offences on a Vespa 125.
    I’ve not seen Titanic and can think of few things worse.
    I changed a lot of nappies before they became disposable and have no desire to peer down a volcano.
    I’m with John as far as cats are concerned.
    I can’t think of much I’m desperate to do apart from revisit Scotlandlimb a few UK hills and have a go in a Range Rover Evoke.

  14. Z

    Rog, were you riding a Vespa naked, speeding, making lewd gestures, speaking on the phone and not wearing a helmet? Oh, that’s five. Um, you went the wrong way down a one-way street and ran over a policeman?

  15. Sir Bruin

    Rog – I salute your bravery, sir. I rode a scooter once and it scared the c*** out of me (this is where the nappies would have been useful).
    Mike – Count me in on your trip to St Petersburg.

    I’ll go with the 5th amendment on the illegal substances issue.

  16. Rog

    Timmy Msllet played a lot of MC Hammer. With all those banging tunes no wonder he started the Wide Awake Club.
    I can advise Sir B that a Vespa 125 is also no match for a police Ford Zodiac in a head to head chase off through Northfleet. “You won’t take me alive Copper” turned out to be an unrealistic threat.
    I was fully dressed though.

  17. PixieMum

    My nephew’s real name is Tim M*ll*tt, born before his parents were aware of the TV personality.

    At a supper party last night there were discussions about things we hadn’t done, there was slight astonishment that I have never been to an association football or cricket match (don’t count children’s school games) Other nevers include smoking a cigarette taking illegal substances; never been to Wembley stadium, O2 arena or Barbican, never travelled in a helicopter or on a sleeper train, nor have I been selected for Jury Service yet. I love that word Yet, it opens up so many opportunities.

  18. Z

    Weeza used to have a scooter. Or perhaps it was a moped, I can’t remember. Anyway, it was to get about Norwich and – oh, it was funny. Sorry, I’m keeping this for a future post.

    What were you doing, Rog? I have a feeling I won’t rest until I know, and I don’t sleep a lot as it is.

  19. Z

    I’ve done quite a few of those, PM, I’ve been to Wembley and the O2 (to an exhibition, not when it was the Millennium Dome) and I’ve travelled in a sleeper from Kerala to Madras. Not been in a helicopter nor done Jury service and nor have any of my family.

  20. Zig

    Late to the party as usual …
    I’ve never not had a cat.
    I’ve never seen Train Spotting
    and like Mig I can’t get to the end of War and Peace
    I’ll stop there because list is endless, but I do have a full motorcycle licence.

  21. Z

    War and Peace is brilliant, I love it. Never mind, I’ll read it again for you. And I’ve seen Train Spotting. It’s having had teenage boys.


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