Z has a Wardrobe Malfunction

Advice to young bloggers – always keep a bulldog clip about your person. It may save your modesty one day.

It was mid-afternoon and the saleroom was not too full. There were enough helpers to look after the customers viewing the sale, so I went along to the loo while I still could – another half-hour and I wouldn’t have time. I undid the side zip on my trousers.

Afterwards, as I started to do them up again, the thread at the bottom of the zip unravelled and it disintegrated; that is, the two sides came apart. I tried to fix the fastener on again without success. I removed the trousers, sat down and spent several minutes trying to put it together. In the end, I gave up and started to rootle in my bag (how fortunate that I’d brought it, meaning to use the comb and lipstick) hoping to find a couple of safety pins. I did find a paperclip and, more usefully, a bulldog clip too.

The trousers had no top fastening, just the zip. I bunched the waistband up enough to fold over, attached the clip firmly and peered. There was a bit of a gape lower down, but fortunately the top I was wearing was long enough to hide the sight of my pants – which were, in any case, pretty and lacy enough to not embarrass me more than the fact that they might, otherwise, be glimpsed. I muttered bad-temperedly about the poor workmanship of the Udaipur tailor who’d made them in the first place.

The Sage had noticed my absence. “Car all right?” he asked cheerily. Oh yes, that was another thing. A year or so back, the car park we usually use had been made short-term, with a maximum of three hours. So I checked the multi-storey. It closes at 9 pm. That is no use to me at all, as I might not be able to go and move it before 9 o’clock, so I have to use the short-term one and feed the meter, which I shouldn’t do but have no option. By the time I’m doing it, there is plenty of room so I repark, just to show willing, and buy another ticket including the overnight one. Ah, but then I read it. ‘Overnight’ means up to 11 pm. So, let’s say I arrive in Lowestoft town centre, intending to hit the shops, carry on out to dinner in the evening and then enjoy the night-time social scene. I can’t. I have to keep reparking. Presumably, after 11, that means finding a parking place on the street. Maybe the powers that be in Lowestoft don’t get out a great deal and like to have early nights.

Apart from that, how did I enjoy the auction? Splendid, thank you. It went very well and the books balanced at the end, which is always an exciting moment.

14 comments on “Z has a Wardrobe Malfunction

  1. Imperatrix

    I’m sorry that I keep lurking, rather than commenting, Z!

    I had to check what a bulldog clip was. After I found a picture online, I went, “aha!”

    We call those “alligator” clips here. Although it doesn’t look anything like an alligator, nor a bulldog, I suppose.

    Very resourceful of you!

  2. Z

    Divided by our common language yet again. I suppose in each case it”s the tenacity of the grip that gives the name.

  3. dharmabum

    i’m not going to find out about that clip, i don’t always carry a bag anyways. you seem to have had an, ‘eventful’ day? 🙂

    what i liked MOST about this post is the end. perhaps a way of looking at life itself, what do you think z?

  4. Honey

    i needed a saftey pin the other day, and all i had in my bag was a plaster. bags should come with spare saftey pins i’ve decided.

  5. Z

    Should be standard issue, in their own little pocket so that you don’t have to turn everything out to find them.

  6. PI

    Moral: always wear a top that covers the danger zone. I once had it happen in embarrassing circs and had to have it sewn up on me.


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