Z finds dependence mildly frustrating

I haven’t done anything much today. I went to sleep earlier last night, thanks to the electric blanket – and now that my painful hip doesn’t wake me several times in the night, I’m sleeping really soundly. However, sleeping for longer made me crave yet more, and I napped for the best part of a couple of hours this afternoon.

I’ve asked the Sage every day to bring through a jug of water so that I can have plenty to drink. I wasn’t able to carry it through myself. Every time I asked, he went and fetched me a glassful, which I could have done myself anyway, and drunk it in the kitchen, if he’d let me. I’ve been getting more thirsty – the air is drier than usual in here as we’ve lit the fire every day instead of just the evenings, and I’ve spent a lot of my time in here. And my liquid intake is less because of no wine. It wasn’t until today, when I finally felt reliably steady enough to manage a full jug while walking with one stick, that I went out to get a jugful myself – whereupon, of course, he insisted on filling it and bringing it himself.

Just as well. I’ve drunk all two pints of it in the last hour. Now, of course, he’s promising to refill it for me. Now that I’m not thirsty any more. Still, I think the point has been made.

I have been sent some potted azaleas which, as you probably know, must not dry out and prefer soft water. I suggested that he get a jugful of snow, bring it in to melt and I could water the plants with that. A few hours later, when he was out, I remembered that he hadn’t done it, so went out myself. There was a jugful of snow after all, but it was still outside, which meant it was completely unmelted. I brought it in and put it on the radiator, assuming he’d filled it and then gone to feed the chickens or something and forgotten it. When he came back and saw it, “Oh, I left it to melt in the sun,” he said. “But the temperature is still freezing, and it’s warm indoors.”

I’m not complaining, I promise you. And no one could be more kind and thoughtful. But I’m finding it harder to keep asking for help. Like when I have to ask for a bowl of hot water so that I can wash my feet. And when my sock aid couldn’t quite cope with the shortness of today’s socks, so I had to get him to put the heel on. I feel such a nuisance, and I’ve still another five weeks of it. Not of everything, of course, just the bendy things.

On the other hand, I love having him in charge of mealtimes. I am doing my bit with the cooking, because I can, and we quite enjoy doing it together – I can’t get anything out of low cupboards or the lower shelves of the fridge, and I can’t use the bottom oven of the Aga at all. But I’m leaving it to him to choose what to buy and he’s preparing most meals. And you really feel you’re looking after someone when you cook for them, don’t you?

12 comments on “Z finds dependence mildly frustrating

  1. Blue Witch

    Think how much more he’ll appreciate you when you are finally back to normality, though 🙂

    And, I suspect that the more practice he has, the better he will get at it, and the more he will appreciate you. So…

  2. Z

    I’m resisting the temptation to give advice unless it’s asked for, at any rate! And I certainly do appreciate him. He’s lovely.

  3. lom

    This post got me thinking, I must teach my hubby to cook just in case, he goes into a panic doing beans on toast. You can have cooked toast and cold beans or black toast and hot beans, and it takes him forever to do anything, I can peel 5 spuds to his one. Bless him. Number 1 can cook so I would be alright I suppose.

    Don’t try to do too much Z

  4. Z

    What a practical offer – are you sure you wouldn’t rather be my bit on the side instead, Simon? Like mustard? I’m quite demanding, you know, practically if not emotionally.

    LOM, you’re wanting him to run before he can walk. First, does he know how to turn on the cooker? And second, does he know where to find the baked beans? At least tins are ring-pull now so he doesn’t need the opener.

    LZM, I love being looked after. I don’t want to overwork him – there’s a lot to do here – and I’m starting to feel lazy.

    We all say that, Dave. Let’s hope we get lucky and die first, hey?

  5. Roses

    It’s not much fun being laid up in such a fashion. Especially as you have to ask for basic things. I completely understand your frustration.

    Keep hanging on to the thought, 5 weeks isn’t going to last long and you’re doing really well.

    And then, you can do what the heck you like, when you like.


  6. mago

    As others expressed it before, I think that while recovering from a major surgical intrusion it is all legitimate to be looked after for some time. And to accept this. Our socilisation and education aimes at making us into independent individuals, so it is only normal to dislike depending on others while recovering, or in general. But you need this and so its to be done, and maybe your husband is bound to discover the wounders of kitchen?


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