Drawing = boring, I’m very sorry to say. I bought another book, which was well reviewed on Amazon and I’m not doing well with it. Why, really why, do these earnest teachers start by trying to persuade you to draw things that are really dull and you don’t care if you don’t draw well? This one started with you putting your feet up on a stool or sofa – so far so good, for indolent Z – and drawing them, shoes and all. Meh. Then it had the foreshortened hand thing. Honestly, I just couldn’t be arsed. I made an attempt but my heart wasn’t in it, as it hasn’t been for anything I’ve drawn for the last few weeks.

I can, I find, do a reasonable sketch of certain things. Let’s say I’ve got 70% there and let’s say I could try really hard and get to 80%. Not worth it. And that’s that. I’m not being asked to draw anything that I find worth the considerable effort. I was really pleased with my first few drawings, which were way above the standard I’d ever managed in my whole, fairly long, life, but I’ve drawn my hand, I’ve drawn a chair, I’ve drawn my shoes and I’ve drawn or lightly sketched a few other things that are totally uninteresting and what the books don’t lead me towards are anything that make drawing a pleasure. I know that the first book, by engaging the *other* side of my brain, was trying to do that but, while I can concentrate on what I see rather than what I think I should see, what is harder to cut out is the sheer boredom. Too much effort for a meh result.

It’s not what I’d hoped for. I wanted to lose myself in the act of drawing and I think that the exercises offered are so hard and yet so uninteresting that I stop caring. In short, I do not care a flying fuck about drawing my foreshortened hand. Tell me to and I’ll switch right off. I’m not sure that the answer is drawing classes, once they’re allowed, because I’d probably be asked to do the same thing, in which case I’d be prepared; I’d take along what I did weeks ago and explain that I’m never doing it again because it is an excellent exercise for someone who wants an intense course on excellent drawing, but it’s really not much use for someone who wants to enjoy herself, casually, to try hard but not take it seriously, to learn how to portray what she sees but not to emulate the Masters.

In short, I’ll skim through both books but I doubt I’ll go much further with them. It doesn’t matter if I fail, I’ve learned and I haven’t anything to prove. I do feel despondent, but it’s not any reflection on me or on the authors. I still fail to draw. I might manage to start again but, if not, I have achieved more than I ever did through the dismal lessons I had at school.