I made the decision, yesterday evening, not to sell Tim’s car. It’s a lovely car, a BMW coupé, that he bought nearly 14 years ago, soon after Viv died. He’s had a few bumps and scratches in it, not since I’ve been with him and I never asked the circumstances. I expect he was a bit careless for a while. He never had an accident, as such and he was a very good driver on the open road. He’d have agreed with me that I was rather better in town and at parking.
He loved the car, it was the nicest he’d ever had. Because of its bodywork – there really is nothing major, just surface scratches – it isn’t going to be worth all that much. When it broke down a few months ago, he had it thoroughly checked and the clutch replaced. I can’t remember why I started to think about it, though it was only a few hours ago, but I felt better for making the decision. I’d already transferred the insurance and now I’ve transferred ownership and paid the tax. I’ve also booked the MOT for the end of the month. Wink will drive me to Reading, I’ll take it to the garage and then I’ll drive it back here. I don’t need to make long term plans as yet, but I’ll probably exchange my own car for a smaller one, for cheap local driving and just use the BMW for longer distances.
Doing all that and a few other bits of admin has given me enough to cope with for the morning. I’ve started to sort out papers into things that are fully dealt with and things that aren’t, but I’ve called a halt for a while. I must do more of something later though, I’ve got a lot to deal with before the auction on Wednesday week.
When people tell me I’m using too much self-control and I should let it go, they don’t realise how draining that would be. I have a lot to do that can’t be delegated. I would if I could. Being told my behaviour isn’t in my best interests, without taking any burden away isn’t exactly helpful. Taking positive action and sorting something out does help. Only for a short time, but I’ll still take that over feeling wretched all the time or falling apart and having to put myself back together again.