The Sage brought me a glass of red wine and a piece of cheese at half past six. How kind.

At quarter to seven, he refilled my glass. And gave me another piece of cheese. My suspicious mind was alerted.

“Thank you” I said (be polite first, always a sensible move) “But have you something to tell me? Am I going to be cross?”

“I think the sale will be pretty busy on Friday. I think you need building up beforehand. It will be frantic from 3 until 4 when all our helpers arrive.”

So, he thinks it’s a good idea to make me really relaxed and cheerful now? Shouldn’t he be sending me out for cross-country runs and building-up exercises like that? Or setting me really hard sums so that my mind, at any rate, will be agile? On balance, I prefer the red wine and nice mature cheddar (I’d call it Cheddar if it came from there, but I doubt it) but I am an instant-gratification girl at heart.

He’ll expect a gourmet dinner in half an hour.

Hah, no problem. As long as the other half of the bottle is MINE.

(25 minutes later) The men are saying yum yum and filling their plates. And they don’t want any wine. Whoopee, happy family.