I bought a new laptop more than a year ago but I haven’t used it much. Two reasons – I didn’t want to transfer everything from the iMac as that’s all I ever do and some stuff goes back many years. But the thought of sorting everything out is far too daunting ever to do it. But the computer is 9 years old now – I’m not sure how long Macs are supposed to last nowadays and it’s still installing updates, so Apple has faith in it. The second reason is that I like desktop computers as there’s no risk of hunching over them, I like to look straight ahead rather than down and, as I touch-type, I don’t need to watch the keyboard.

It was all sorted out by buying a separate monitor and an external drive. So I’ve got the advantage of the MacBook’s portability, plus a screen for when I’m at my desk. And I can put everything onto the drive and just transfer what I need, whilst having the backup if I suddenly need something from 15 years ago (which happened this evening, I wanted a recipe I typed out and couldn’t find the printed copy of).

As I said a while ago, I’m living in my dining room at present, so it’s got armchairs, dining chairs and table, a desk and a whole lot of other furniture. Yet, not enough, it seems, I wanted to bring in another chair and something had to give.

I’ve got a small desk, which was actually a side table of Tim’s, a nice old pine one with a drawer. It’s amply big enough for the computer and keyboard, plus any papers I need to have by me. I’d added another smaller, lower table to put the monitor and laptop on, because of course I haven’t yet transferred very much yet (I’ve been doing it by AirDrop as I need it up to now, but it’s a faff and takes a while). The extra armchair would need the space taken from the smaller table. But hey, it’ll all fit on the one desk, if both monitors were angled a bit. Sadly, this won’t do. The lower table was the right height to type at – without really thinking about it, I realise now that I tended to put the keyboard on my lap, when using the other computer. So, for now, I’ve put the small table in front of the bigger one, while I think about it.

Luckily, it’s now after 6pm, so I’ll think about it while I drink a glass of wine. Dinner is nearly prepared and just needs the last few minutes of preparation. I invented a mixed vegetable curry – the light sort, with a garlic and ginger sauce – and have done spicy masala potatoes to go with it. I’ll add a couple of hardboiled eggs. I bought a dozen eggs the day before the chickens started laying again so, of course, I haven’t used them. Chickens always start laying after I’ve given up waiting.

A comment I made on one of my Facebook posts ten years ago was “if onward doesn’t go with upward, it doesn’t go anywhere good”. I’m not usually outwardly downbeat, it isn’t a good idea to dwell on the downside, although it’s all right to acknowledge it – preferably mostly to myself. There’s quite a lot to be said for the traditional stiff upper lip.

Not that such a facial paralysis was required today. It’s all been lovely. We went to Weeza and family, as did Ro and we chatted, played games, ate – we started eating at noon and finished around seven, but that doesn’t imply stuffing ourselves all day, but a relaxed hour or two between courses.

Getting ready to leave, just before 10am, I was ambushed by the outside cats, who were determined to escort me to give them breakfast. I knew perfectly well that they’d already had breakfast, but also knew that we’d be late home. I gave the chickens some veggie trimmings and some mealworms and fed the cats, who were triumphant that they’d tricked me. Home at 9 this evening, they’d given up waiting, but saw the lights of the car and arrived at the door – I’ve never been a cat person until the last ten years and I’m not quite sure what happened. But they’d have had an uncertain life without me and, unneutered, might not have survived this long.

Wink and I haven’t exchanged presents yet, except for the medlar tree that was planted a couple of weeks ago. We were later home than we expected, so decided this could wait for tomorrow. She’s also got champagne in her fridge, so I expect it’ll be around noon. I’ve got some smoked trout and she’s got smoked mackerel, we’ve got the makings of salads between us, so I think lunch is sorted. I’ve got a new book (Christmas is never entirely right without a new book), so my afternoon is planned too.

I hope you’ve had as good a day as I have.

It’s been busy, until the last couple of days, which have been oddly quiet. From a doing things point of view, that is. I’m not really used to not having enough to do.

Anyway, thanks to Wink’s magic medicine (the slow release ibuprofen, that is) I’ve been able to manage and I haven’t taken any for a week or so. Still no idea what caused the problem.

I’ve always blogged when I’m cheerful and to help make myself cheerful when I’m not. Recently, I haven’t really known what to say, so have kept quiet. But that doesn’t mean that good things aren’t happening. Things are fine, day to day, but I feel as if I’m struggling just as much as when Tim first died. And when Russell did, come to that. And everyone I’ve ever loved and lost. It all still piles up like a logjam with nowhere to go and I have no idea how I’ll ever move past that, if I ever will. This doesn’t stop me being quite ordinary and jolly and practical, but the inner Z seems to be broken.

The holiday in Mexico is booked and paid for, all I need to worry about is a wedding outfit. And I’m going to try again to get up to Scotland this year, though I don’t know when that’ll be.

I think I just have to try harder. Do it, even when I don’t feel like doing it.

So, on that note, I’m going to have a lovely long, hot bath and an early night, to read or listen to the radio or whatever I feel like (I’m kidding, I’ll fall asleep until midnight) and then be ready for good cheer with the family. Happy Christmas, all you lovely friends. Thanks for sticking around.

I had so much planned. On Sunday morning, I was stricken – no less – with acute pains in my left back which radiated down my leg and were, undoubtedly, sciatica. Quite out of nowhere, I’d done nothing to trigger it that I could think of. I’ve been well dosed with painkillers ever since and have been complaining to anyone who looks sympathetic.

Lucky that I’d done that cooking, it’s all in the freezer for when I feel like eating but not cooking anything. I’m starting to surface a bit now – my sister bought me some slow-release ibuprofen, which helps more than anything – and really must make that relish over the weekend.

Luckily, as it’s my left side, it doesn’t affect driving, though sitting is painful, as I’m the only driver in the family and we’ve had various necessary trips, including her dentist appointment tomorrow.

There has been torrential rain this evening, but no water in the house, thankfully. I’ll check everywhere tomorrow and drop the builder a line, assuming all is well, to tell him so.

Now going for a very long, hot bath, which is the best thing for me.